Not Gonna Make It...

Imagine that said in a Captian Kirk kind of voice. There is no way I will have 100 pages written on my script for Script Frenzy by tomorrow. I did what I usually do and waited until the last minute. I stepped it up Monday and yesterday but yesterday morning they gave me a project at work. Well NOW when am I supposed to write? Sheesh.

Be My Friend

Conspiracy week was cut short. THEY didn't want me to say anything else so they had my husband lure me away from the computer with promises of wine tasting North of Santa Barbara. The wine did it's trick and I no longer remember my other conspiracies. If whatever the men in black did to my memory wears off, I'll continue to type away at their black veil of lies!

Wine country was really nice. I'll post a photo a photo or two sometime. I'm such a light weight. Even without drinking the whole tastes I still got dizzy after the first winery. Silly girl.

So, there is a marketing line of thought that says musicians should be mining myspace to find fans. The idea is, you do a search for someone who does music like you or someone who likes music like you. Then you go to all of their friends and send them friend requests to you. Theoretically they will like your music too and then become your friend.

I've never tried to do this. First, it's kind of a lot of work. I'm sure you know that searching myspace is not the easiest thing in the world. Second, it just seems weird and desperate in some way. Sure, you could say that if you really believe that there is therapeutic value in your music, you should push your music out there to 'heal' whoever might need it. If you don't push, someone who may need to hear a certain song of yours at a certain moment might miss you. Sure. But then, if they are meant to hear you, wouldn't they stumble upon you somehow already?

Nevertheless, I just tried that kind of 'marketing' just now. And...now I'm done. I asked 2 whole people based on this method. It felt so icky and creepy. Searching through their friends felt like looking through their diary or underwear drawer or medicine cabinet. Obviously myspace is a public space, if they didn't want you to see their friends, they wouldn't be up there. But gosh it felt icky.

But, I'm supposed to do this. I've read tons of 'advice to musician' articles that say to do this. So I persevere. I can't just pull up somebody's page and hit the friend link. I feel I need to get to know them first. So read through the page, look for things I actually connect with them on so it doesn't feel like a lie when I say 'hey, I think we should be friends, we both like this one movie so now we're basically soul mates.' I send the request and mention something that I think we match on so that I don't have the cheesy 'hey check out my music please, pretty please, please!' I read through 3 pages and send friend requests to 2 of them.

On the third person, I read through the page and begin to think 'what a neat guy, we do have some things on common, lots of common movies, cool quotes on his page.' So I friend request him. His page doesn't take requests from bands. He doesn't want me wandering around in his friends, bugging him only in the hopes that he or his friends will join my music cult. I feel busted. I feel dirty. I feel sick. No more friend requests. Done.

Speaking of slimy, how does Perez Hilton get invited to the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner? Since when is he a White House Correspondent?

Conspiracy Week Continues...

First a random thought. I feel like jump roping today. Weird. Especially since I haven't in years. I think I will when I get home tonight. I do own a jump rope. And really, like I can't take 30 seconds out of my day to jump rope. Because I know full well that after jump roping for 30 seconds, I'll be completely out of breath and tired of it. Don't fight it then, man.

Now for the conspiracy.

They kicked off Carly instead of Brooke? Surprising but it only confirms my conspiracy that the voting is rigged, at least being rigged at the moment.

Oh, believe me, I am happy that American Idol fixed it's huge mistake of letting Carly, Michael Johns and Kristi Lee Cook compete in the first place. All three had signed record deals with labels in years prior to this competition but, in my book, that takes you out of amateur status. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/WinterConcert/story?id=4315159

So, finally, those three have been kicked off. Notice they've been kicked off in a row, all three one after another. I think Idol left them in there to make the show look more competitive. In past years, much of the pickin's have been slim. This way the show looks like it's attracting huge, undiscovered talent. Sorry that talent was discovered once before. Now Idol wants to make sure that none of them place too high.

The second argument (after the coincidence of the three former label contests being booted in consecutive weeks) is that Brooke so should have gone! She started an stopped in her performance. You never, never, never do that.

I found it funny that, for a change, Paula was harsh and unflinching on this point and Simon wasn't. She also said that you never, never, never start, stop and start. Here's the difference. She's a performer; Simon and Randy aren't. She has put in the hours on the road and on stages around the world. Performers know, you never do that. For once, her expertise shone through. It was nice to see.

Am I throwing stones from my glass house? You bet. Have I ever stopped and started? Yep. And I feel like the biggest loser in the world when I do. Because, in that moment, I am the biggest loser in the world. Just because you should never do it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It just should have a consequence when you're on a competition show like American Idol.

We Are Not Alone

So, you may have noticed the lack of posts lately. The thing is, I've been writing blogs still. I just stop when it comes to posting them. Monday started out as mad, hysterical writings and just got worse. Tuesday, the case can be made that it was again, crazy talk. On each day the blogs got longer and longer and, as I searched out websites to support my ravings, I got really distracted. And, I wasn't quite sure I wanted to declare myself crazy just yet. Well not completely two days in a row. So, I'm going to condense them and post them.

Continuing the saga of Conspiracy Week, how about them lights in Phoenix? In March of 1997, mysterious, unexplained lights were seen hovering over Phoenix. The lights were reported in Arizona, Nevada and Mexico. Now, two days ago, mysterious lights are sited once again over Phoenix! http://www.abc15.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=ccaef901-51a0-4b49-8df2-6d42dcbf7da7
http://www.myfoxla.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=8110B967E3A31AA3C69C3F1A1C9AB0F9?contentId=6366197&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

I'm sure you can guess by now that I have no problem believing in aliens. I don't believe we're so cool as to be the only sentient creatures in the universe. I'm also cool with believing that God himself made them. Why not? I'm made in God's image but how can I conceive what that means. My human brain says, oh, he looks like me, but could it mean that my spirit is made in his image? Something I can't see? Something that a green skinned alien could also have but not be seen. But I digress.

Someone posited yesterday, if they really exist, why doesn't the government know about it? Uhhh, they already do, silly. And now we've busted them too. We see you. We know you're coming. Possibly on December 21, 2012. I'll put a kettle on and make a pie for you.

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day! Did you do your Earth Day duty and save a whale today? Or at least recycle a can? This seems to be a good day to make some enemies.

I'm into environmentalism and conservation and organic living, etc. When I started this post I had paragraphs of things I do to save the earth in my little way but I've realized that no matter what I write, it's not enough anyway. And, I shouldn't have to PROVE that this is important to me. I know it is and that's that. So there. If you think I'm a fraud, cool. Then you do.

So here's the point of this blog. After being aware and motivated to help our earth for years, I still can't swallow global warming. Strike that. I believe in global warming. I don't believe humans are doing it. The climate fluctuates. Don't believe it? Ask a mastodon. Oh yeah, you can't because he drove his SUV too much and started an ice age! There's really no consensus amongst scientists that humans are really having an impact on the climate change. The media just makes it seem like there is.

I'm not saying we shouldn't find alternative energies like solar, wind and biofuels. We absolutely should. And we should conserve our resources, reuse our resources as much as possible. We should work to preserve our earth, definitely.

But, when did Al Gore become a scientist? He makes one movie and somehow unites the world? I'm sure you've heard about how, until very recently, he used enough electricity in his home to light up a small state. And how he's heavily invested in the renewable energy companies he encourages other people to invest in. Do you think it's completely altruistic? He made money on 'An Inconvenient Truth', lots of money. And an award. Suddenly he's worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize? You get a peace prize for bringing about peace in the world, not for making a box office smash. I don't understand that.

And now there's knee jerk legislation everywhere to save the world, instead of educated discussion and evaluation. Suddenly there are no more light bulbs. (Do you know you know that it takes Mercury vapors to make CFLs and now what are we going to do with the more Mercury tossed into our landfills. Is that really a better, safer alternative? http://eureferendum.blogspot.com/2007/03/light-bulbs-and-eco-fascism.html)

Anyway. If you really care about the environment, make the changes that you can, then push a little more. If you want to support the claim that man is responsible for climate change; fine. Show me the money, don't just believe the hype.

Mad Ravings of a Lunatic

I believe that the Mayan calendar is correct and there will be an end of days in 2012. I honestly believe that I had better be back in New Mexico by then and very far away from a dangerous, earthquake and riot prone area like Los Angeles. If necessary, I will live on my mother-in-laws farm. I am totally serious.

I just read a blurb in this month's Wired Magazine that brought my attention to The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (or NOAA) prediction by Mausumi Dikpati that the next sunspot cycle, which "will be 30% to 50% stronger than the previous one," will hit it's Solar Max in 2012. This is based on the well known 11 year sunspot cycle, discovered in 1843. This Solar Max can interfere or disable cell phone networks, satellites, military devices, GPS systems, power grids and anything dependent on these types of utilities. What better way to initiate chaos and end the final sun of the Mayan calendar?

For those of you unfamiliar with the whole Mayan calendar, it is somewhat complicated but it has three different calendars that repeat in different cycles. The Long Count repeats every 5000 years but the last cycle ends on December 21, 2012. See, see the connection with the sunspots? That date also is very close to the Winter Solstice Sun crossing the point of the Galactic Equator (the center of the Milky Way) and the Ecliptic (path of the Sun.) There are lots of guesses but nobody really knows what's supposed to happen on that day. The Mayans said it was the end of the era but what does that mean? Some people believe the increased sun spot activity will cause the magnetic field around the earth to shift, causing unfathomable consequences. Some believe that will open up a passageway through the Milky Way to another galaxy or world. Some believe it might be an appropriate time for Jesus to stop by. Who knows. All I do know is that the universe is a mysterious place.

Out of Body Experience

The chili was amazing by the way.

I think I'm sad today. Somedays, when I'm tired, it's hard to tell if I'm sad or just tired but I think I'm sad too. I've been working hard this week on 'putting myself out there' booking shows, working on promotional materials, mailing out lots of emails, etc. When I work on that a lot, I start to feel a strange lost feeling. And it almost feels like I've put myself out there so much that I don't have any more of me left. It's a strange, out of body experience. But I end up feeling lost and tired. I feel like I'm grasping at smoke, trying to collect it all back to me. Usually, after a day or so of this, I start to feel depressed. So I'm trying really hard to pull back again and collect me. I've been doing busy work like updating my website. I'm adding the lyrics now for every song; coding it is mindless but I think that might be what I need. But even that probably isn't enough. I really am an introvert by nature and I think it freaks me out to lose so much energy 'out there.' I'll probably spend the weekend watching movies, in the theater or at home or both. I'll ignore everything I have to do and recharge with other people's energy. By Monday, normally I'd be pretty down. But as I'm becoming more aware of this, maybe I'll be able to call me back in time instead of wandering back through darkness slowly. Maybe I just need more sleep again.

Balance

I was in an email discussion with a friend of mine this morning and she said something about things needing to be a balance. It's funny because I was just thinking this morning that I need to work on balance. In fact, this morning I decided that learning balance is probably my life lesson. Okay, it's one of many including, just a few mind you, letting go of control of people or life, letting go of guilt, forgiving myself and other people, trusting God...there are plenty. But this morning, the balance seemed important. I ended up writing this to my friend and it stuck out to me. "I am an all or nothing person and I need to learn to live with grays." It struck me because I just spent the other night covering my grays and therefore I should learn to live with my grays. Yes, yes I should. But the repetition of the word gray, the way it stood out to me, that seemed especially important like a word I should look at more.

I AM an all-or-nothing person. Also a if-you're-not-for-me-you're-against-me person. I need to be completely successful or I am a complete failure. There's no room for error or growth or maybes or learning. I'm the first to admit this is a downer way of looking at things. Because no, I'm not perfect. And since nothing less than perfect counts, then I am in a state of constant imperfection. I am constantly losing; failing. It sucks. There is no gray. There is no - well at least you tried. As a wise alien once said "There is do or do not, there is no try."

I could look at things on the half full side. I am constantly learning, growing, striving, becoming better. But somehow all the days of getting there don't count to the being there. Yes, yes, journey, not the destination. I know, I know. But just because I know doesn't mean I know.

I was thinking about balance a lot this morning. I've decided that it's is my lesson on this earth is to learn balance. My mother taught me how to be all mom all the time. My dad taught me how to be all working all the time. I need to learn and pass along to my kids, how to have balance. So I need to learn how to strike a balance in my life. I need to feel comfortable being part this and part that. I need to put it on and sit with it until it feels right. Instead of saying 'I don't get balance' I need to be in the gray 'I'm learning how to have balance' and feel there is success in the learning. But it's certainly not going to happen overnight. That's why I said it was a lesson for this lifetime. So that I have plenty of time before I get a failing grade.

Chili Extravaganza

I'm getting some flack because of my promotions for a new venue I'm playing at tomorrow. My friend, John M, has started a weekly show at Chili My Soul in Encino and he asked me to play a guest set tomorrow. I seriously am very excited to play there!

I know it sounds funny but I can't wait! I've wanted to try out this restaurant for several years now. Yes, years. I make note of interesting restaurants to try and have a long mental list in my head. But, when it comes down to it, I usually just end up going to the same places that are near my house. So now I have an excuse to try a new place out. And it's got a neat draw, they make 30 different kinds of homemade chili! I'm no chili expert or fanatic but I like chili a lot and often on cloudy weekends, we'll brew up our own pot of chili. Mmmm, with crackers and melted cheese. It's a yummy comfort food. So when John asked me to play, heck yeah I'll play.

And, honestly, I won't be disappointed if I'm playing to just John, I just want to check the place out. Yes, I would love to have people come out but it's different. Some shows I stress and worry about if enough people will come to please the venue. I worry about the perfect set list and if everyone is having a good time. This time, I just want to hang out. And if people come, then we will all eat chili and hang out and have a good time. And in the middle I'll hop up and sing a few songs, requests for whoever comes. I just want to enjoy the place.

Some people are giving me a hard time because in my promotions I'm talking up the chili. And recently I've been talking up the chocolate and other food at venues. Look, is beer really that different from place to place? Do you think, man, I can't wait to go to X bar because they serve the best Bud Light in town? Come on. I play tons of coffee houses and bars a year. Yes, I'd like to think that people are coming out just to see me but I don't think I'm that cool. I like finding things for me to like at venues. It needs to be a whole experience for me too. I want to have a good time! Remember, I'm shelling out my own money to eat and often drink at these venues so I want to like the place too.

Huge confession that few people know at this point, I don't drink coffee! I don't like coffee! I play coffee houses all the time and get tea. How different can tea be? So the coffee is not a draw for me. It's the lemon bars, the chocolate, the mini corn dogs and the chili. I won't lie, I love junk food. And me eating something yummy just puts me in a good mood, makes the show better and then we all have a rocking time. So I will always say when there is something good to eat at a venue. And you will probably see me stuffing my face tomorrow night.

Gray

Here's some honesty for you. I'm stubborn, OCD and I have gray hairs. Lots of them now. I have passed the point of being able to pull out one here or there. They are taking over. So I decided to dye my hair last night.

I've dyed my hair before to get cool highlights or add some red, pink or purple. But that was because I felt like it, not because I felt I had to to hide something. I've been fighting it for awhile (stubborn.) Mostly because I don't feel old at all. And people older than I am on tv don't have gray hair, right? So how can I?

You know, I make fun of my husband all the time because he allows himself to easily fall into that suspension of disbelief. I say, 'You do know it's just a tv show, right?' And yet I'll easily believe that people look that good in real life with no help. No hair dye, no team of hair stylists, make up artists, clothing stylists, plastic surgery or just great set lighting.

So with them having all of that help, why am I so resistant to doing it? Again, because I'm stubborn. Because I don't want to believe that I'm ever going to need to do this. Sigh.

So instead of buying an all over dye at the store (I'm in no position to go to a salon right now and spend $180 on highlights) I'm determined to only dye the gray hairs. I like the color of my hair right now and I don't want to mess with it (stubborn again.) My brilliant plan is to buy a root touch up kit and only touch up the grays. I spend over an hour, hunting through my hair for strands of gray hair (here's the OCD part.) And I keep finding more! What I think will be maybe 10 stands turns into far far more. And, how do you color only one strand without coloring the rest? I use the technique my hairdresser used where you put the dye on the hair and wrap it in tin foil so it won't touch the rest of your hair. But I'm wrapping up single strands of hair. And it's on my head so I can't even see if I'm getting it all.

Needless to say, this morning, I still have gray hairs. I missed a bunch. Sure it looks better... I'm happy with the color I chose because it doesn't stand out. But really, would one strand in the wrong color stand out. I have some strands where near the root it's still gray and then further down it's brown. So I guess I really do need a root kit now. I can't even say I still have my pride. Sigh.

Random

Who else finds those Match.com ads on Myspace creepy? Mostly they're of guys looking somewhat turned on by what they're seeing on the internet. I'm supposed to WANT to be matched up with guys looking at internet porn? How is that attractive?

Air Trouble

I may be the only person who thinks the recent airline cancellations are just a cover. But I've been called crazy before and I'm okay with it. Yes, I'm into government conspiracies and cover-ups. My government wouldn't be doing it's job if it didn't. Aliens did crash land in Roswell. There was no magic bullet. Elvis is still alive. You know, I am new at this blogging thing but maybe I'll look around and find some other blogs that are also into this craziness and link them. Yes, that will be a new project to add to my lists.

Anyway, here is my theory. I think that the government has some information about a terrorist threat to a plane and this 'safety check' is their way of grounding flights. This way they can search the planes for whatever the real threat is or, just keep the terrorists out of the air and mess up their plan. Either way, they stop the threat without panicking everyone.

I only have one thing to back up my crazy idea- the airline's response to this. This grounding has been voluntary. Nobody at the FAA said they had to ground these flights in order to comply with this safety issue. These are new regulations that were established two years ago but there hasn't been any push by the FAA to enforce the regulations, only participate in inspections. Would the airlines willingly ground flights and lose millions of dollars? The only other possible reason is the suggestion that American Airlines will declare bankruptcy and ask for a government bailout. While I believe that an airline might have that has a plan, I don't think that the 6 airlines who have grounded flights (American, Midwest, Southwest, Alaska, Delta & United) could all declare bankruptcy at once and expect to all get bailed out. And, the airlines are not doing that much finger pointing over this. They are quietly canceling flights and trying to appease customers as much as possible. When was the last time an airline bent over backwards to accommodate you when I flight was canceled?

It's a cover up. I'm sure of it. They are checking their planes but it's based on a tip from someone, somewhere. Luckily I don't have to fly anywhere anytime soon. I'm very sorry if you do. Hopefully you won't be inconvenienced too much by this. But be grateful that, for a change, they are trying to save lives instead of save money. Do I sound like a lunatic yet?

Teary-eyed

Still working off a cold. Thankfully it's not worse but it's not much better. Soon and very soon.

I just read Alert the Pizza's post for today and it made me cry. She has 3 children. I've know Pizza for a long time. When we were younger it seemed that she would never get married or have children and I was sure that moments after graduation I'd be married and have 3. Somewhere we flip flopped. Somewhere along the line, I who loved teaching children of all ages and babysat through summers, I became deathly afraid of children, babies especially. Another friend had a baby somewhat recently and I dreaded seeing the baby, meeting the baby and heaven forbid holding the baby. It was a traumatic experience made worse by the filming of it all because I'm sure the horror was plainly on my face.

But last year another friend had a baby and her baby didn't scare me. She was okay. I was able to hold it without feeling complete and overwhelming panic. HA! I just noticed I called her an 'it' and not 'her' in that last sentence. Well I'm not cured of my baby phobia just yet. But reading Pizza's post sure did make me cry. And it made me wonder 'What have I been doing all this time?' I have no idea.

My Favorite Things

Yeah. The cupcakes did not stave off the cold. Hopefully this will remain just a head cold with no cough involved. I'm drinking tons of water, tea and soup. We'll see if it helps. It's really hard to think when your head is cloudy. My mind is a blank. How about just some favorites?

Favorite bands - Fairground Attraction, yes still, Phoenix, Foo Fighters,
Favorite music - old jazz standards
Favorite movies - The Fifth Element, Dune (the sci-fi series), Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events (okay the books too)
Favorite Author/books - Frank Herbert, especially Dune, Also Orson Scott Card
Favorite colors - depending on the day, Purple or Orange, Purple more often than not
Favorite words - Dude and Awesome, no I did not grow up in LA, and Doah
Favorite Dogs - PUGS!
Favorite TV show - hmmmm, currently House, Bones, The Simpsons & King of the Hill, I don't have cable and Fox is the channel that comes in the best using the bunny ears. We also rent and catch up on Supernatural, Lost & Battlestar Galactica
Favorite Food - I couldn't possibly pick, I love to eat!
Favorite Outfit - a hippy chick swirly skirt and a t-shirt
Favorite Activity - probably going to a movie, popcorn required
Favorite Ice Cream - I don't really care for ice cream much
Favorite...dude, I can't even think of things to have favorites of. I can't wait to go home and crawl into bed. Better luck tomorrow.

Cupcakes

In keeping with random things that I love, let's hear it for cupcakes! I have a sweet tooth. I also crave salt. I live by my cravings. I feel that if my body is craving something, I must need something in that food. So I don't go crazy and eat just anything anytime, but I try to listen to what my body is asking for. That's me rationalizing.

This can get pretty specific. Just because I have a sweet tooth doesn't mean just any candy or cake will do. The craving is exact. It's not just red licorice but sometimes it must be a red vine or sometimes it must be cherry nibs or sometimes a twizzlers, because they are all different. You never know. And it changes quickly. Today I'm wishing for Mambas candy. Tomorrow I couldn't eat a single one. The next time it will be jordan almonds.

It's because of this that I have a candy stash. I seriously used to hide candy in a desk drawer at home for years so that I would know that I could get THE kind of candy I wanted when I wanted it. Now I've moved my candy into the pantry but my husband knows that he's not really allowed to eat any of it. Luckily, he's not into candy like I am and could care less. This is how we live in harmony.

So I store up like a squirrel for winter. But when I crave baked goods, that's a lot harder. I don't want to make a whole cake or batch of cookies or cupcakes only to eat some that day and let the others go to waste. This weekend, it was cupcakes.

In LA they have cupcake stores; Sprinkles, Yummy Cupcakes, Dainty's. I hear there are more. Seriously they are stores that sell nothing but cupcakes. I've tried them but none of them hit the spot for me yet. Yummy's is close. But I don't want anything fancy. I just want a cupcake like when I was a kid. Cake mix out of a box and icing out of a can.

So Saturday I came up with a substitute for making a whole batch. I had sugar cookie dough; the kind that comes in a roll that you keep in your freezer. I keep chocolate chip dough on hand as well, for emergencies of course. I went to the store and bought only the icing. I cut off a couple of cookies from the roll pretty thick and then iced them with the cake icing. Not bad. Pretty close. They ended up kind of being like cupcake tops with out the cake underneath. And now I have an open container of icing that I'll 'have' to finish fairly soon. That's a tragedy. But at least I didn't waste (or worse yet EAT) a whole batch of cupcakes.

Many of you may have found this substitute already. I am only hoping to pass along my knowledge to someone who's desperate for cupcakes. If any of you figure out any other cheats like this, I'd love to know.

Gold stars and B+

Let me say again that Universal Bar and Grill has the coolest vibe! I played there again last night. I was exhausted (yes and I still am) and feeling pretty burnt out as I got ready and drove over to the set. And yet, that place made me feel so good!

There was apparently a showcase playing before the showcase that I was in and the place was packed. It was so nice of Sheena to book me to play after the showcase, a really cool honor actually. I had the chance to play to a whole new group of people and possible who-knows-who were there for the first showcase.

It was so weird. I felt happy and excited in a mellow way to be playing. I had some great friends show up (thank you!) for the show. That was perfect right there. If they had been the only ones I played for then I'd have been fine. But then a packed house as well. Normally stuff like this makes me nervous. Nervous in a bad way. Maybe it was because I was tired that I didn't freak out. But I really don't think that was it. It was a calm. And twice I felt a panic start up but I thought, look, just do what you do and whoever is meant to hear will hear and whoever will be moved will be moved. Who was that talking in my brain? That's not really like me. It was nearly an out of body experience it was so strange.

But my set was really good. Here's part of my after set obsession checklist:
Voice pitch- good/bad?
Lyrics- did you remember all the words?
Guitar- in tune and correct chords, no technical difficulties
Patter- did you remember to say your name(seriously)/website/cds for sale/didn't say anything too ridiculous?
Grace- did you fall, trip, knock over anything, otherwise embarrass yourself

Yes, I seriously go through those things after shows. I've never written a checklist for it before. Amazing yes since I love lists. I've never really thought about it before but I guess it's like grading myself afterwards. I can be pretty hard on myself about any and all of those categories. I can be extremely depressed after sets if I'm not, I guess I'd say in the B+ to A range in any of those. Wow. Seriously, I know I evaluate shows very carefully but yeah, I guess I'm sort of giving myself grades. I'm so weird. Sure I should look at my performance to better my skills but come on, grades? That's just sick. I'm so gold star.

Anyway, last night went well. Probably because I was in such a good place (or at least I was before I started looking at this too closely). Gold stars for pitch & lyrics. Slight frowny faces (B+) for guitar, patter & grace (I did knock into the microphone once with my head.) But really, the vibe was so good in there and the other musicians were so very nice and supportive I don't think the slight frowny faces mattered. It was just fun to be there. Thanks again to those of you who came out. :)

Last minute

So. Tired. Fading. Fast. I stayed up late working on my taxes. Yes, they should have been done weeks ago. They're not. They're still not. And instead of being a good girl and finishing them tonight, I will be out playing a gig tonight.

It's kind of a last minute set. I feel like such a jerk when I send out emails for last minute shows. No, I did not just remember about it and oops, send it out. Yes I know you're busy and don't go to things last minute. Well, even if I'm not busy, I'm not much of a last minute person. I have plans. Even if the plan I've been counting on all day is to go home, eat dinner, watch the Simpsons and go to bed, I get really thrown off if the plan changes. As if I'm not capable of altering my plans. Heck, a telemarketer calls and the night can turn into a disaster. And if dinner takes 15 minutes longer than I thought it would, the entire night is now thrown into chaos. I guess I need time to acclimate to a new plan.

I think I get this from my parents. Once we went to a movie and when we got to the ticket window, it turned out the movie would start nearly a half hour later than we expected. My parents seemed stunned at the news and said, okay, never mind and we got out of line. We started walking back to the car. Let me be clear, the movie had not started yet. We were now very early for the movie. We had extra time to get popcorn or hang out. We didn't have to be anywhere after the movie either so it's not like we were on a time crunch. Obviously, the change in time changed our plans so much that it disturbed them. I volunteered, 'Couldn't we just stay and see the movie at this time? It's now only about 25 minutes away." We discussed it a bit, got back in line and ended up seeing the movie. It was so funny to see them thrown off; not able to make the change right there at the window but instead having to think about it awhile and adjust. They're just crazy. Thank goodness I don't do anything crazy.

MTV broke it, we bought it

I officially signed up for Script Frenzy after posting the blog on it. I have 0 pages written so far. I'm not freaked out yet, though. Still learning the formatting thing.

So last night I watched American Idol. Right off the bat, don't tell me to try out, I would if I could but I've missed their age cut off. YES they have an age cut off. I'm cool with it, be cool with it too.

It was my first time watching this year. I refuse to watch the first episodes where they make fun of people. You know why those people who can't sing look so surprised when Simon tells them they suck? Because the producers tell them they're great and that Simon will love them. Because the producers hype them up and approve them going to the real tryout room with Randy, Simon and Paula so that they'll be upset and make great TV. That's just mean. I don't like that part. I wait until we're in the top 8 or so and then start watching.

Don't get me wrong, I watched almost every episode the first season it came out (excluding the making fun of tryouts) and loved it. I love Simon. I've learned tons from him. And he knows what he's talking about. He understands what it takes to make a rockstar. His business is selling CDs and he knows which acts will do that and the best ways to guide artists to that. I respect his knowledge.

Anyway, I decided today that American Idol is helping to fix what MTV broke. Since the advent of MTV, rockstars have not been judged on their chops or songwriting. They've been judged on their looks, image, style. You can list me hundreds of artists before the 80's (and right on the brink there) who would never have made it if they had to look good in a video. Admit it. But they had great songs and performances. Conversely, Milli Vanilli had a great look. They didn't even sing. And they're not the only ones. Hey I love and respect the performers of the last couple of decades who couldn't really sing but worked their image and/or dancing skills to have huge careers. They worked hard for their success. Absolutely. But, who did you miss out on hearing because they didn't fit on MTV? You don't even know.

I find it cool that, while none of the American Idol winners or finalists are ugly, many of them are not cover-of-a-magazine-hot either. They are there because of their voices. All that matters is - can you deliver the goods? Can you knock people's socks off week after week with your voice?

Hopefully this along with things like itunes (for another day) will help to change the music industry back to what matters. It's not a mystery why music companies are struggling. They've spent too much time and money promoting an image when all people want is good music performed well. What a crazy idea.

Script Frenzy

Okay. I missed yesterday. Sorry. I think from now on, when I miss a day, I'm just going to pretend it never happened. The whole day has been wiped off of the face of the earth for me. Good because with the headache I had, I'd rather not remember it.

So, my good friend over at Alert the Pizza is doing this Script Frenzy thing. She did it last year and had a blast so I'm considering it myself. I kind of need to decide today too because it's starts today. Well I suppose I could get a late start but why handicap myself.

The idea is that you write a script in the month of April, 100 pages. No, this is not an April Fool's joke. There is no prize (notice that was the first thing I looked for) you just write it for the joy of writing it. That right there freaks me out a bit. I've lost the art of doing things for the fun of it. And the art doing things just to be able to say you've done it. Everything has to have purpose. So yes, I definitely should do this then.

I've pretty much decided I'm going to sign up. I'm just putting it off because I'm a little scared. Of what I have no idea. Is someone going to ground me or fail me out of script frenzy if I don't finish? Will I be black balled in LA for my lousy script once I put it on paper? "You'll never work in this town again!" I don't know. And I really am scared.

Maybe I've also lost touch with knowing the difference between scared and excited. Because I think I am excited, too. I think it's exciting to try something totally different. And a little nice to do something creative that doesn't have to do with music. So maybe I am excited to try this and oh, that might be it. Maybe I'm excited to try it and worried that it won't go well and I'll have been foolishly excited. That I never should have been excited to begin with. That feels right in a depressing way. I think I'm one of those people who doesn't start things because they're afraid they'll fail. But I already decided I'm doing this. So, I'm stuck with the being afraid. So maybe I was never excited at all. I sure hope my script isn't this messed up.