You Tube Video!

I am so excited about this! A John Branson from New Mexico used one of my songs to make a video for his photos! Most of his photos are from New Mexico but a few are landscapes from nearby states. John and his partner Barb have been long time supporters of me and my music and I was honored when he asked me if he could use one of my songs! Heck yeah you can! His photographs are beautiful and always make me homesick. To accompany them in a video really, I'll say it again, it's an honor. I love them. He wrote to tell me today that it's up and I think it looks great! I have many favorite photos in it but I really liked the setting sun at the end. I was teary-eye and missing home once again. I hope you take a minute, or 4:43 to be exact, and watch it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rL7JkVPPnI

I'm excited to be associated with his work and I'm excited to have a song up on youtube. Yes, I know that I could post something myself but in my techno-phobic hesitation, I just haven't gotten around to it. Hopefully this will inspire me to add some of the videos I've been accumulating from live shows. Hopefully... And, if you're inspired to make a video to one of my songs, that would be completely amazing and cool.

Magic Beads

A couple of weeks ago I participated in a mass to celebrate the start of a new order of priests. A good friend of mine, his blog is listed on my list of other blogs as Homelessness in America, is starting his own order of priests. It's pretty ambitious, more ambitious than anything I've ever done. But he seems to be guided by God since almost everything just seems to be happening one step after the other as if it's meant to be. I wish I would see those kinds of steps in front of me. Maybe I'm not being ambitious enough.

This service the other day was in a beautiful little church in downtown Los Angeles with the coolest altar. It was in the shape of a boat. Made of marble. Really neat. We celebrated mass and towards the end, there was a blessing of rosaries. The rosaries were handmade by a wonderful woman who often makes them for groups to hand out to the homeless. The strange thing is, they just showed up in the PO Box for the new order a few days after the PO Box was opened. It's a brand new order that really very few people know about. The PO Box had only been opened a few days and wasn't advertised anywhere yet; not on any of the websites. How did this woman know to send these rosaries to this address?

My friend contacted the woman to thank her for the rosaries and also to find out how she heard about him. She wasn't sure. She was very unclear on it. She said she thought she read it somewhere. She doesn't even own a computer so even if it had been on his website, she wouldn't have seen it. She just said she thought she read the address somewhere.

Is it a miracle? Is it an example of God just making things happen that need to happen. Could be. Even if it was published in a random newspaper in another city about this new community starting, which is pretty unlikely given that it's still just getting started, that in itself could be a miracle I suppose. Is a miracle only someone coming back from the dead or is it just recognizing God's hand in any single event, regardless of it's magnitude?

All I know is that after the rosaries were blessed, we were allowed to come up and take one if we wanted. There was a bit of a rush as we all got up to get one. And I heard it run through my head, "I want some magic beads." Magic beads? Are they magic? Is it blasphemy just to say the words? I felt silly for a minute. Silly for believing in magic. Silly for believing in miracles. But gosh darn it I got my beads.

Pretty In Pink

Wow. I not only fell off the wagon. I fell off and over a cliff. I am back. Hopefully for good. I'll start off easy today.

I'm getting ready to go to a birthday party tonight. Since it's 8-8-08 naturally it's an 80s party. So, I will dig out my favorite sweater and wear it once again. It's neon green and I actually wore it in the 80s. It's the one item of clothing I kept from that period. I was so very into neon. Neon pants, shirts, skirts, shoes and tons of earrings. How anyone can look good in neon is beyond me but I loved it. I've kept this sweater partly for nostalgia sake and mostly because it's the most comfy sweater I own. On days when I'm particularly down or sick, I'll drag it out and it just makes me feel better.

But tonight I have a fun occasion for it! I'll wear it with a mini skirt, not jean but it will have to do. And I'm looking forward to putting my hair in a side pony tail. I think I must still have some terribly obnoxious earrings to wear. If only I had the jelly shoes. It's not worth really going out to buy, I just wish I still had them.

The saddest part of this is not that I will be an old person reliving the music and clothing of my youth. The saddest part is that the person who's birthday we're celebrating (who loves the 80s in general on any day of the year) she was only BORN in 1983. She spent the 80s in diapers. I don't think they came in neon or paisley.

Free speech

I've been having trouble finding things to write about lately but this just stood out to me. The NY Times told McCain that they wouldn't publish his op-ed piece unless he rewrote it to be more like Obama's piece. What? There are so many things wrong wit that. Isn't the point that you'd like for them to be different and have different opinions on things so you have an actual choice in voting? Isn't the point of an op-ed piece that it's your opinion? Isn't that the point?! I spent an hour just saying, wow, in disbelief. The editor wrote, "It would be terrific to have an article from Senator McCain that mirrors Senator Obama’s piece." He also outlined what he'd like McCain to write in his piece. How about the editor just write it and he can put McCain's name on it? I'm so sad. Sure, they can print whatever they want. They can choose to not print something. It's their right to print whatever they want, blah, blah, blah. Seems to me that if they cry so loudly any time they feel THEIR right of free speech is being impinged on, they might want to allow other people to say what they want to freely too. It might be kind of cool if they printed one piece from Obama and one piece from McCain and then went on and on like that; weekly printing their positions on different topics; helping to educate the public on who they might vote for. How cool would that be to provide an open place for the exchange of ideas? How naive of me I suppose.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/07/21/mccain.nyt/index.html
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/07/21/mccain-campaign-says-new-york-times-blocked-op-ed-response-to-obama/

Ximena Sarinana

I get so annoyed with myself. I just found a new artist that I like. At my core, I am an insanely jealous person, competitive, spiteful. I know this about myself. So as they're interviewing this 22 year old artist from Mexico on the radio, I immediately think, she's going to be a lousy no talent hack. And then I liked her. A lot. A lot a lot. And I get mad at myself both for liking her and for being jealous of how awesome she is and how much I like her. And I rush back to my desk from my hour lunch break from my receptionist job and log on to my computer to find her. Maybe she'll be ugly. (Right.) She's not. She's cute and bouncy and just as awesome as her music is. And I'm even more jealous. Her name is Ximena Sarinana. She's awesome.

And I also begin to wonder, why do I find more artists that I like when I listen to NPR than when I listen to mainstream radio? Who knows. This artist was featured on The World. She sings in Spanish. I don't speak or understand Spanish. But then I hear her songs and think, piff, I could learn Spanish. Again, the bitterness boils.

Her music is a little jazzy and I think that's what I like so much. There are utube videos of her singing Volare and It Don't Mean A Thing. It must be the jazz vibe. I love old standards. This weekend I will play my monthly gig of songs from the Great American Songbook. Songs I love. Songs sometimes you hear once or twice in my longer sets. Maybe I should just give in to my jazzy side. Well, I'll at least buy her album. Even if it drives me nuts.

It's not available yet but you can pre-order it at amazon. Here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Mediocre-Ximena-Sari%C3%B1ana/dp/B001781JXQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1215725058&sr=1-1

http://www.myspace.com/ximecutecrewsite
http://www.myspace.com/ximenasariana678
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIi964kHRAw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2aSZqv9t-s&feature=related

Movies

As a follow-up to the tomato lamenting, the FDA has approved tomatoes grown in certain states safe to eat. California is one of them! But I'll probably wait just a little longer, just in case... You can see if your state is approved at http://www.fda.gov/oc/opacom/hottopics/tomatoes.html.

I love watching movies so I thought I might mention a few movies that I saw this weekend. Hint, I liked them all.

First up, the Hulk! Yes, I was there opening weekend to view yet another comic book movie. I like them so much. And, I needed to have my faith in the green monster restored after that terrible version just a few short years ago. I was not disappointed! Ed Norton, who just rocks anyway in just about everything, was able to carry off the scrappy scientist who's got just enough inner turmoil to freak out on you at any moment, even without being infected by gamma rays. The movie gave shout outs to the tv series from the opening credits with it's grainy, blue photography that made me feel like I was sitting in my living room watching my 13in tv way back when. And they continued to pay homage to the series throughout, replicating some classic scenes and dialogue. What was great is that they gave these nods without being campy and without deviating from the story at hand, which was filled with lots of action and a little bit of humor when possible. I really enjoyed it. Everyone is saying, well it's not as great as Ironman but still good. I suppose. Ironman tells a much more complicated story. The Hulk is just an ordinary man trying to control the rage within. The story is well told and a lot of fun to watch. I'd definitely recommend it to any action fan!

Next up this weekend was Lars and the Real Girl. The initial idea of it freaked me out a bit. A lonely, social outcast orders a 'Real Girl' online and interacts with her like a real person. While these dolls are mostly sold as sex toys (and to sneak into carpool lanes) his intentions are much more pure. He is in a delusion where he actually believes she is a real person. His brother and sister-in-law take him to a doctor who encourages everyone to go along with his delusion until he is able to work out the psychological issues he's long avoided. This extends to the entire small town in which they live. It was sweet to see how willing everyone in the story is to help him, how they accept his 'girlfriend' Bianca and treat her as an ordinary person. There care for her really shows their love for him and it's nice to think that sometimes people can be that loving towards another person. It was also interesting for me to see how his progress evolves throughout his meetings with the doctor and see his relationships change all around him. I'm a sucker and cry easily at movies and this one had me crying on early on and often as I was touched by many scenes. A very sweet story to watch.

Lastly, this weekend I watched Stardust. I did not want to see this in the theater because I felt that the casting of Robert De Niro was a really bad idea for the role. I also never felt that the trailers gave me anything different about this fairytale from others so I felt I already knew the story before I saw it. That right there takes it off the table as an $9 movie and onto the rental list. Which we did. Now my husband became very interested in the movie once he heard that it was based on the novel by Neil Gaiman who has also written many wonderful things, Sandman being one of his favorites. That inspired us to move it up on the list. The story was entertaining and imaginative. It is, at it's heart, a fairytale with witches, spells, love, kings, betrayal, hidden identities and a quest. Taken as a simple story with interesting twists then it is lovely. De Niro was an odd choice for his character. I think they thought it would be funny but the whole time I was thinking, this isn't really working, and it took me out of the story for his scenes. Other than that, I did enjoy it very much and a happily ever after ending will make me teary-eyed every time. It's a great fluffy movie with no great message, just the ability to take you to another world for a little while.

Don't Know What You've Got, 'Til It's Gone

Yes, I heard some Cinderella yesterday. But the title fits since I am so very sad. So sad that I cannot eat tomatoes. After a childhood of disliking them, I finally came around to their glories in the past couple of years. Now I add them to everything, especially my favorite sandwiches. Caprese, grilled cheese, burgers, hummus and pita. Sheesh. Lots of my favorite lunches. And now that they are gone, what's the point of a hummus, tomato and pita sandwich without the tomato? And what's the point of a caprese sandwich or salad without the tomato? Sigh (with my wrist to my forehead in despair) When will they be safe once again? A big, huge, fat slice of tomato to practically cover the sandwich... Sigh Of course, I wonder for a moment that perhaps this is an insidious start to some larger eco-terrorism. I can't help it. It's in my wiring to think such things. But though I wonder that, I will hope instead that it's a small, human error that will be easily traced and fixed. Allowing tomatoes to once again be eaten freely. Oh, yes, and I did buy a tomato plant this weekend in the hopes that I could eat some in just days. Yeah, right.

Wasted

I have completely wasted a full day. Well, 4 and a half hours at this point. I'm about to jump out of my skin. 4 and a half hours that I will never get back. It's not even like I'm avoiding work, there is no work to do. It's a Friday and in the first hour and a half of covering the front desk, the phone did not ring once. Not for another 20 minutes did the phone ring. For someone who doesn't even work here any more. I had a small assignment of work to do. I did it. Done. I've now read the Daily Variety, Geek magazine and Inc magazine - all which come through my desk for various people who no longer work here. I've read blogs, my horoscope, my email - answered everyone I needed to, wrote people I haven't written to in awhile. Ugh.

Mostly I'm upset because I didn't prepare properly for today. Most days I like to bring some sort of project to work on. A song I'm working on, maybe stringing a new necklace or making new earrings, filing, rearranging papers, researching websites to post music on, working on my webpage, I have do to lists! And I neglected to bring anything with me. Well I brought my monster KCRW bag with me but I just cleaned it out, the other day at work, and emptied some papers at home and didn't replenish. I rarely let myself be bored, let myself have nothing to do. But I did. And now I'm stuck.

And not only am I annoyed that I must find new ways to entertain myself today, I'm annoyed that I've wasted 4.5 hours...quickly approaching 5. Once we rented a movie that we absolutely hated. I think it was a strange movie version of The Tempest. I don't know if you can anymore but you could go to Blockbuster and tell them you didn't like a movie and they'd give you a free rental for something else. You had to fill out a paper and say something about why you wanted the refund. My husband wrote, 'Two hours of my life, wasted, that I will never get back.' Well then. I can't even blame it on a lousy movie. Just on myself.

I will go now. To write a brand new masterpiece. You will hear it on the radio soon.

Let It Go

I write songs in spurts which has always been fine with me. For a very long time I got into this 3 songs in a row pattern. I'd finish three songs and then not write for awhile and then write 3 more then not. It seemed to even out. And that doesn't really count all of the little pieces of songs that would come to me, a line here, a melody there, a chorus, an idea, I just mean finished songs came in threes. And then I went through nearly a year where almost nothing was finished at all. And now I'm back to writing some here and there but they don't necessarily come in 3s anymore.

Lately though, I'm in a huge rut. I have 5 songs I'm working on at the moment that have the chorus 'Let It Go.' That sucks. The songs go where they go and you land somewhere and I keep landing at 'Let It Go.' Some are upbeat, some are sad, one is angry. And you should just let the songs go where they go. Let them create themselves sometimes. I figure, I'll just keep working on them and eventually change up the chorus' or abandon the songs all together. Because really, what can I do with 5 songs with the same title? That's just weird. But it's more weird that that phrase keeps popping into my head. What can it mean?

Should I let go in my writing? Follow the muse instead of trying to lead her by the hand? Should I let go in my life and let things happen? Try not to be so controlling of my path? Really try to surrender to the sentiment in my song 'Thy Will Be Done' which I often have such trouble doing? Should I let someone go? One of the songs seems to be a love song to let someone go, even though my life doesn't reflect that situation, but it's another variance on the theme. Or should I be letting something go, like my songwriting? If every time I come to the well, I hear 'Go Away' is that a sign as well?

I like looking for signs, confirmation that I'm on the right or wrong path. Certainly 'Let It Go' is a sign from within. Even if I could let go, I wouldn't even know what to start letting go of first.

Bike Safety

How about a shorter post today? A rant perhaps? Okay then, a rant it is.

It really bugs me when bicyclists don't act like cars. They want other cars to share the road and treat them as equals, fine, I'm completely fine doing that. Then don't blow through stop signs just because it's a pain for you to stop and start! Yes it's a pain but if you don't want to spend the energy to stop and start, ride on a bike trail or drive your car.

Would I rather not have to stop? Sure I would; especially when I'm in a hurry. But I stop. And when I come to a four way stop, I expect you to stop too. Because it's the law! Because California Vehicle Code says: Bicyclist Rights (CVC 21200) Bicyclists have all the rights and responsibilities of vehicle drivers. If you want the rights, then you're stuck with the responsibilities.

This weekend I seriously saw a gang of 30 bicyclists ride into a left hand turn lane, bypass three cars and swarm around the front car. When the light changed, they all just moved out in front of the car and turned. Are they allowed to do that?! It was so dangerous! The poor car in the front couldn't move at all because the bikes were all around him, some sitting in his blind spot, some right in front of him. If a bicyclist is in front of me in a turn lane, fine, I give him space, I treat him like a car because he's behaving like one. We have mutual respect for each other. And yet there are bike gangs taking over the streets of LA. What can you do?

Psychics Part III

You didn't think I'd go to a psychics part 3, did you? Well I did. And here's why. I took my dogs to a pet psychic fair this weekend. Have a crossed a line? Perhaps. But it's no less crazy than taking my dogs to a pet psychologist, is it? And I've done that too so call me a Californian and get it over with.

The same school that did the readings the other day also do a Free monthly pet fair. You can bring your dogs in for an aura reading/clearing and communication. Our main motivation for going was to take our one dog, Lemon. She is a rescue dog who was severely abused before taken to a shelter. We didn't need a psychic to tell us that. When we brought her home, she shook for a full 24 hours straight and tucked her head into the corner of our couch with her back facing us. Over time, she learned to trust us but even still, as the sun set, she would hide in another room under a table. She's much better and some days she's a normal dog. But most days, 8 years later, she still has lingering doubts about her safety. She still startles easily, hides around strangers, barks and snaps at strangers or other dogs as we walk her. She's the reason we've been to a dog psychologist. He was not very helpful.

So, why not try this? Why not see if they can heal the stress that she deals with everyday? It certainly couldn't hurt and maybe it could even help her. And, since we were bringing her, we thought we'd bring the rest of the pack.

Watson was a mess of energy, wanting lots of attention and to see what everyone else was doing. Ezzy was her mellow, lovable self. Lemon was pretty nervous and uncomfortable the whole time.

The whole thing was pretty cool. They gave some pretty accurate readings, in as far as we can tell of course. They said that Watson likes his dark place very much and doesn't want it taken away. This can only mean his crate. He's the first dog we've crate trained and it's where he still sleeps at night. In fact, when he's tired, sometimes he'll go in there on his own and take a nap. And sometimes he'll take a bone and hide in there away from the other dogs, just in case they want to take it from him. Strangely enough, the day before we talked about him maybe being old enough now to not need a crate and to maybe sleep at night with the others like a big boy. I guess he heard us and is not interested, according to the psychic. Crazy, huh?

That was the most obvious and accurate part of the reading, since lots of it you can't really confirm with a dog. They did mention that Lemon feels the most safe on a particular bed. She does camp out on our bed when we leave the house and when guests come over so it makes sense that this is her safe place. But, what dog doesn't like to be on the bed so that can't be claimed as a huge prediction unless I let it.

They did pick up on Lemon's fears and troubled past. There is some what of a safety issue with her around other dogs, people and children. We worry that she can't be trusted. The psychic says she worries too. But he said 'How long do I have to prove it to you?' was something she was saying to us. I don't know. But if she worries about her ability to restrain herself, then I guess we have to wait for even more proof.

In the end, Watson and Ezzy really don't need the whole thing often but it could be helpful for Lemon. Perhaps if we take her often enough they can help her clear the negative energy that is so much a part of her still. These bad things that happened to her cause her to always be frightened and always ready to protect herself and that is what keeps us in doubt. If they can help clear that and make her more happy and normal, I'm all for that. Anything is worth a try.

Psychics Part II

I suppose I can't mention going to a psychic without following up with what she said. The school that I went to is called True Insight and they have lots of classes, workshops and events. I went to their monthly open house last month and it was pretty cool. Mostly, I was impressed with their balance of explaining what they do without pushing you to join. They did a good job of leaving out the pushy part. At the open house, they provide an aura healing and a brief communication (sort of reading.) They also raffled off a long session, which they do weekly, of an hour and 15 minutes. This is what my husband won. And I was excited so I went and got one too.

They are sessions done by students so the price is very reasonable but you never know what you're going to get. As a person who's into going to see acupuncturists at a clinic, I'm comfortable knowing that the students working on me are far enough along in their training that they do a great job, even if not 'full fledged' official yet. When my friend went, she had several students reading her at once, taking turns. My husband ended up with only two readers and I only had one. Still they gave what seemed to be good readings.

My person told me about my rose, some of my past lives and my auras. She also was open to answering some questions I may have brought with me. All in all, I was pretty impressed with her. She was pretty awesome! She identified a number of things that are true for me and, as a test, not true for my husband.

The past life issues she identified for me were pretty right on. The first one was especially right on. She said I was a girl who's parents didn't have enough money for a dowry. So I decided to become a teacher instead and never marry. The issue with that life was that I always struggled with deciding between having a family and working/doing something that was creative. Wow! I'm sure there are many people with this struggle but it has been especially bothersome to me. In fact, in an earlier blog I wrote about how I had realized that, in trying to find balance, I fight being a full time mom like my mom and I fight being a workaholic like my dad, leaving me with no idea of what that balance may be. I'd say that issue from that past life fits me and what I'm currently working on. Cool.

Does it really matter if it was a past life of mine? I'm not sure analytically if I believe that they are reading past lives or if my body somehow communicates with them a story to explain an issue that I have. Maybe my body is taking a problem I have, turning it into a movie of the week and screening it for them. I don't think it does matter since they're obviously capable of watching the film I'm showing. And that is just as amazing!

She read some other past lives that related to equally important issues that I currently struggle with and all of it was cool. The aura readings seemed to point to some pretty ingrained characteristics in me. And she answered my questions in an interesting way. They are not allowed to give advice. Maybe because they're students. This is another place where I'm not sure I'm a true believer. I gave her a list of 4 things I'm choosing between. She meditated on each one and read the colors around them, letting me know if they were positive or not. Here's the thing, is she telling me colors that come to her because the universe is telling her what is good for me to do or is she getting colors from me based on what I want to do? I guess again it doesn't matter again because if deep down it's what I really want, then it will make me happy then, right? I guess.

It's funny that I try so hard not to give information to her, make her guess, test her the entire time and then debate the results. She said in one of the past lives I had trust issues. Yeah, I know. Like the X-files poster, I want to believe. I just don't want to be lied to. And I absolutely believe that there are people with this gift. It's just hard for me to believe each person without testing them first. It takes a lot for each individual to win me over. But, I have to say, the whole event, especially after adding in the big hits they had on my husband's reading, was pretty convincing.

Psychics

I'm going to see a psychic tonight. Yeah. I know. Kind of crazy. And I suppose it makes no sense for a girl who hard core believes in God to think that psychics are real but I do. Now, that's not to say there aren't fakes out there, there are plenty of fakes. I know that for sure. I was one of them.

I worked for a little while as a phone psychic. Yep. And yet I know that I'm not psychic. I answered an ad in a paper looking for people who wanted to become one and I wanted so badly to be psychic that I signed up. I've wanted to be psychic since I was a little girl. I would stand at my window on weekends and think thoughts really hard to my best friend trying to get her to hear me. Then on Monday, I'd ask her if she heard me. Nope.

I kept pestering my mom in the hopes that she would admit that somewhere I have a twin sister that she gave away at birth. Because in all of my books back then, I'd read about twins who had amazing psychic connections. No such luck. But she did offer to sell me to the gypsies whenever I got on her nerves.

So, after hoping for so many years, here was someone who would teach me how to be psychic. Actually, she taught me how to read tarot cards. And she said that being psychic is like having a muscle that you need to exercise. The more you exercise it, the stronger and better it gets. So I believed just as hard as I did when I was little.

I took calls for a couple of months and hoped that as I got better at reading cards, I was also getting more psychic but there was little proof. And, I started feeling bad that I was lying to the people calling and stealing their money. Technically I wasn't lying because I was reading their cards and it's possible that their psychic vibes were coming to me to influence the cards and it's possible that I was being granted some sort of psychic guidance to interpret the cards the right way. But I still didn't have any proof. And I felt bad because the company wanted me to try to keep people on the phone longer than they wanted to get more money. But I couldn't do that. That would have been too far. So I never tried to draw out the call, I just gave them a reading.

And maybe I would have gotten better. Maybe not. But one night a woman called asking me to help her find her daughter. She said she had run away. I asked her if she had called the police to have them help look for her and she insisted that she had but my psychic sense said that she hadn't. Here was this woman with a missing child turning to me, certainly no expert, to find her. I did my best reading the cards and it turned out that the girl came back during the call. She was a teen and perhaps it was just a stunt, perhaps she did it often and that's why the mom didn't call the police. I didn't care. I didn't want to be responsible for that. Sure, if I really were psychic, I'd be all over the country trying to help find people and solve crimes...but I'm not!

So instead, I'm going to go to see a real one tonight. My husband won a free reading and I'll be darned if I'm not going to get one too. It's from students at a psychic school. Yep. You can find anything in LA, including a school for psychics. I just hope they're further along in their development than I ever was.

Treadless.com

So last week I started talking about a article I read about Treadless.com and the guy who started it, Jake Nickell. I realized that I was getting quite wordy in my entry so I've moved it to today. I hope that's not cheating.

As I said last week, I've been reading the marketing magazines that come into my work and I'm very fascinated by them. It so interesting to understand the why of people's purchases and how some campagines work and others don't. I think it's the psychologist in me that gets interested in this kind of stuff. Anyway, I read a cool article about Jake Nickell and Treadless.com.

He, unintentionally, started the company on the basis of 'user innovation'. That somewhat means that the people who use the product come up with the product as well. It's similar to what you see happening in shareware for computers. In shareware, someone wants something and designs it for themselves, then lets other people use it since it might help them too. Pretty cool.

So this guy was a part of an online community already that frequently bounced ideas back an forth between each other. He designed a t-shirt, just for fun in the community's annual get together. His design was chosen and it felt cool to win. So he started online competitions for people to design t-shirts with other people voting. Whatever one wins, then he prints up a bunch and sells them. Initially the winner won $100 but that prize has now risen to $2500 and he is a millionaire. Crazy.

What is so cool about the program is what I find exciting about American Idol. The reason American Idol works so well is that you spend the entire season becoming involved in the final product. You vote for who you like. You do all of the market research for the record company. You tell them, I'll buy David Cook's album if you make one. So, they make one. Instead of launching an unknown artist and spending thousands of dollars for you to get to know him, they do all of the test marketing as they go. They let you get to know all of the contestants during 4 months of 'marketing' all while they narrow down the final, most profitable product.

This t-shirt company is doing the same thing just on a smaller scale. They are letting people vote on which design wins so they are telling you 'this is the shirt I would buy.' In fact, the owner says, that was his main idea. 'Why wouldn't I let people buy something they like?' Now on top of that, he's not only letting you tell him what you want, he's letting you make what you want. So cool.

So now this guy who's a college drop out and makes t-shirts is giving lectures at MIT to teach them business principles that they only theorized about. It so exciting!

Catalog Choice

I started this trying out this new website online called Catalog Choice. You can go there to opt out of catalogs that are being sent to your house or workplace. Since I just started, I have no idea how well it works but it's certainly worth trying.

I'm trying it because I'm appalled at how many catalogs come into my work. Yes, one of my extremely important job duties is to pick up and sort the mail. Watch out! Anyway, there are tons of people who no longer work here who receive magazines and catalogs. So I started looking online to see if there was a way to get rid of them.

It's free to join Catalog Choice and once you're set up you just log on, type in the catalog and opt out. You can give the customer number on catalog to help the company find you for sure. And if they don't have the catalog registered, you can suggest the one you're getting and they'll work on getting it squared away in the future.

As I said, it's only been a few weeks so it will take awhile before I see a difference but it is nice to try out this easy technique to cut down on wasted trees and postage.

Now, the magazines that come into my work are an entirely different story. Many of them are marketing magazines and sometimes I wonder if I missed my calling. I find them fascinating. Especially with the internet changing the entire industry at such an alarming rate! I just read today about this guy, Jake Nickell who started a company called Treadless. It's so interesting.

But I realize that this is getting really long so I'll save Jake and Threadless for next week I guess. Have a great weekend!

Going Up In Smoke

I tried to smudge my house this weekend. Sure I decided there was no way that it would ever be clean so I just made it more messy with smudges. No, not really. I used a sage stick and smudged my house to clear out the energy.

It's a pretty interesting idea. Burning the sage creates negative ions. Your aura, and the auras of others, create positive ions which get left all over you, your house and your stuff. By burning the sage, the negative ions and positive ions cancel out thereby cleaning out the energy.

I had been meaning to do this for a long time and my big plan was always to clean the house from top to bottom, clear out clutter and really renovate the space. Then burn sage to kind of start fresh. Well. I'm never going to clean my house from top to bottom at once. I'm pretty resigned to living with clutter as I live with one husband and three dogs in a small one bedroom apartment. So, I figured that I might as well do the sage burn and maybe that would clear the energy enough to inspire me to do the other stuff. Hey, see how that could work?

So we bought the sage from a metaphysical bookstore on Melrose and let it sit on the kitchen table for 3 weeks. It probably wasn't even good anymore after soaking in the negative clutter energy in the house. Still, this weekend we went around the whole house and smudged it. It was a really good thing for us to do, too. I don't realize how many of the things in our house are used. We have furniture and knickknacks from relatives who have passed. We have prints that I picked up at yard sales, a chair from a friend. I'm a firm believer in reusing items instead of tossing them in a landfill. And I do make trips to Goodwill with items we no longer use for them to find a more useful home. But the things that we own used to be owned by someone else it they carry their energy. Hopefully by smudging them, we'll clear them and let them start fresh.

We'll see how long it lasts but I do have to say that I feel lighter in the house. I felt it from the moment I started. But I get the feeling that, since it's only the first time we've done it, we'll need to do it many more times before it 'sticks.'

The Ringer

This weekend we watched the movie 'The Ringer.' Yes it does seem that the movie is in pretty poor taste. In fact, we watched it along with a string of other senseless, silly comedies to get a dose of stupid humor. But, I need to say, it was better than I expected.

The premise is, this really nice guy ends up needing a lot of money and his slimy uncle convinces him to enter the Special Olympics as a ringer for them to bet on. Right there you're thinking, that's the most horrible thing I've ever heard of. The movie apparently got a lot of help from the Special Olympics, though. They participated along the way and gave their support. The story ended up giving me a small glimpse of the training that these athletes go through and it made me appreciate their efforts all the more.

I think what was the coolest part was tucked away in a special feature. The a man from the Special Olympics said he was talking it over with some of the athletes, what they thought about this movie being made and Johnny Knocksville being cast as the lead. They thought that was fantastic. They said that the kinds of kids that go to see his movies are the kinds of kids that pick on them the most. If they see him treating them with respect, then maybe he'll change those bully's minds too.

I live a very fortunate life. I haven't seen much of the worst of people. I don't experience racism or sexism first hand. I wasn't around a lot of bullies either growing up. I haven't seen how mean kids or just people in general could be. So I didn't realize how helpful this movie really could be. And it certainly inspired me to want to participate as a mentor in the Special Olympics program. A friend of mind does and she loves it! It was certainly an inspiring movie after all!

And then...

Two important things to note.

One. It's thundering! It's thundering! It doesn't thunder in Los Angeles! It makes me feel like it's late August in New Mexico and soon there will be a beautiful downpour. I'm so excited because I almost believe it will happen. I can almost smell the rain from my desk.

Two. You never want to hear this out loud when you're the only one in the room. "You're talking to yourself. Stop talking to yourself." :p Ha!

Too Much Information

I've been doing some research online for some medical stuff. Nothing too serious, no one I know has a life threatening illness - at least they didn't before I started reading. Good Lord! It is very cool that you can get access to all kinds of information to various medical problems. Power to the people! I've heard a lot of talk lately too about how this will be the next revolution in the US. That as people get more and more access to medical information, they want more. They want more options, they become more informed, the demand different care. And, eventually, insurance companies or the government will have to bend to this will. I'm sure it'll take awhile, but the baby boomers might change the world still. They may change the insurance world as we know it, as the grow older, more infirmed and yet more tech savvy. I hope so.

Anyway, in looking up information about a possible allergic reaction, I end up finding all kinds of scary diseases. And then I follow that link and the next and the next and pretty soon myself, and everyone you know, is on their death bed. I'm going to lock myself in a bubble now. It was nice knowing you.

Odds & Ends

I am so out of practice. I don't even know what to write. So I'll babble for a minute and hopefully I'll get back into it.

I failed to mention one of the weirdest things my dog does. Watson that is. Sometimes he'll save some of his food to eat later. That's not that strange. If he's not hungry he shouldn't eat. But what's funny is that he leaves half of his food for later. Exactly half in the bowl. Like a half moon amount, with a straight line in the middle with food on one side and no food on the other. That is weird.

Someone asked me how the song went this week that I wrote about the other day. I didn't end up singing it this week. Ha! I ended up singing another song in a different section of the service instead. (Our choir director mixes it up all the time with us.) So, hubris fall averted for one more week.

My friend at www.HomelessInAmerica.BlogSpot.com posted an interesting article called God Revealed in 500 Strangers by Sara Miles. I liked it a lot. She talks about how she's been feeding everyone, including people she might not rather associate with, through her food pantry at church. She says that it's how she emulates Jesus' life by inviting everyone to his table. It's a really cool story. I would have a really hard time doing that. Yes, yes, I know. If it were easy, then everyone would do it. He asks you to do hard things, right, right. I'm just saying. She said she served thieves, child abusers & gangsters, among others. I'm so judgmental. It would run through my head that maybe those people don't deserve it. Which, I understand, is the point. God doesn't believe anyone is undeserving. And he forgives me with all of my faults so I should forgive them. But it would be really, really hard. Which makes her all the more awesome.

Conspiracy Week Revived

It is not a coincidence. This week the Vatican says it's okay to believe in Aliens. Thank goodness because otherwise I was in a whole lotta trouble. http://www.reuters.com/article/scienceNews/idUSL146364620080514 Basically they're saying why couldn't God create life on other planets, he is God, right? Cool. I'm down with that. But that was only the first 'revelation' this week.

Now the British Government has said that they will release all of it's UFO related documents from 1978-2002. http://ufos.nationalarchives.gov.uk/ This includes mostly sightings that have been recorded.

Two hits on aliens in one week. What does it all mean? It think it's just part of the plan to prepare us for the eventual alien visitation on 2012. You think our governments don't already know for sure that all of this stuff is real? They know. And they know that there is nothing they can do to stop it. So by leaking it little by little, we won't be completely shocked when they knock on our door.

Dogs Rock

Dogs rock. My dogs rock. I have neglected to pour out my heart about how much I love my dogs and dogs in general. Today at lunch, I watch a family play with their dog at the park. They ran around and he chased them and ran back and forth. He ran up to their small children but never knocked them over. He was very gentle with them. And he was so so happy. So it made me happy just to watch him.

That's how my dogs make me feel too. Lemon, Esmeralda (Ezzy) and Watson. They make me laugh by being silly, the make me smile to watch them play and they snuggle up with me when I'm tired, sick or sad. They're awesome.

Here are some things they do that make me smile. Watson, being the only puppy, has many more antics mostly because he just has more energy than the others.

Watson loves the flea control commercial where the dog sings 'There ain't no ticks on me.' He'll run in from the other room, even stop himself from eating, to come in and watch it. He likes watching the dogs in the commercial.

Ezzy snorts at us to show her displeasure. If we kick her off the bed or couch, she'll get off but then snort really loud to let us know she's not happy about it.

Watson will bark at the microwave when he's out of water. It took us a little while to figure it out but the microwave is near the sink. He's just sitting there barking up at the counters since he knows that water comes from somewhere around there.

Lemon sighs loud, depressed sighs just to get our attention.

Watson will let you know it's time for him to go to bed. He goes to the front door, pulls at his leash and waits for us. We always run them outside one last time before bed so he starts this ritual himself when he's tired. He'll also paw at his crate to get in when he wants a nap.

Lemon steals the other dog's food when we're not watching but you just say her name and she stops and walks away, even if you're in the other room.

Ezzy is a grumpy old girl who doesn't like getting wet. If it's raining or snowing out, she'll stop eating her food so that she doesn't have to go out as often.

Watson barks at himself in the mirror and in black car reflections.

Ezzy and Lemon love to dress up. If you start to dress up one, the other comes over without being called and waits to be dressed up too.

And all of our dogs snore really loud - since they are pugs!

Thank You, Thank you Very Much

Yes. I've been slacking a lot on my blog. It makes me feel awful. I'm sorry. If only the man weren't trying to keep me down by giving me actual work at my job! What do they expect from me? I might have to quit if this keeps up. I'm only half kidding.

I've had trouble deciding what to write. Here's something I've wanted to talk about for a week now but don't have that much to say, just:

Ironman rocks! Go see it ten times!

Phew. Got that out of me finally.

So this weekend I got a compliment and I don't think I handled it well. I rarely do.

I often sing this one part at mass and most of the time it goes okay. I hedge that partially because I've blown the words before (Yes, I have messed up this part before. I've sung it tons of times but if I don't have the words right in front of me a lose my place.) and partially because I'm superstitious. (Ha! There's a funny tangent. Of course I'm superstitious because I believe in God. I mean really, isn't belief in God technically superstition. There is no physical proof, only faith, and God is supernatural...anyway, not my point.)

But I think I'm asked to sing it because I do a fairly good job of it. And someone complimented me on how I did recently. They were touched and cried when they heard it and teared up as they told me again. And I, babbled on like an idiot. I did start out with a 'Thank you.' I at least got that part right. But I can't just leave it at that. I want to acknowledge that how they are being effected by the performance. I want to convey that I'm grateful that they not only were so effected but that they're willing to share that with me. And I somehow want to explain to them that it's not me anyway while not negating everything that they're telling me.

I launch into a fumbling explanation of how, gosh, I start to fumble again even trying to write it here. It's not me! It's not me. I've messed up so many times in mass and I would get so upset about it. I felt I was ruining people's experience because I sang the wrong words or came in at the wrong time. I've been praying and praying to give myself over and let God take care of it and trust that he and the Holy Spirit will put the right words in my mouth and the right notes for the right length at the right time. I pray that I will be able to convey the meaning of the words I'm singing. That somehow the way I sing them will make the words even more alive and help them to reach people and resonate with them and deepen their relationship with God. I pray that I can let my mind get out of the way and not be nervous and just BE these words. Just be them completely and let those words live on their own without me.

And now that I think I've gotten a little better at standing back and letting that happen, it starts to go better, the performance of the songs go better. I'm becoming comfortable enough that I'm in the moment before and as it happens. It's a weird space that I'm rarely in, this weird time shift where everything slows down and I'm in it and aware of everything. And right in that moment I've run to the edge of huge mountain and almost run right over. A part of my pride starts to sneak up. I start to think, in the moment, 'this is going alright. This is okay.' And then I have to spin my arms in forward circles to balance myself and keep from falling over the edge. And I start to pray really fast in that moment that I stay in the words. I pray fast little apologies to God for feeling myself over the words and hope, hope, hope that my hubris won't cause me to mess up. That I won't be punished for losing him in me. (as I have done before, pride before the fall often in the cases where I mess up)

So the only reason that I can say that I performed it well at all is because I'm somehow not doing it, not in control of it. Because somewhere I'm giving up. So how do I tell all of this to someone. How do I explain it's not me when they are complimenting me. I'd be a jerk to say, yeah, thanks but I don't deserve it -it's almost like telling them that what they said didn't matter. And to go into this rambling explanation every time would be weird too. So I babbled for awhile and I'm sure I didn't make any sense but hopefully I said thank you enough times.

I'm so going to blow it next week. For putting all of this on paper. I'm so going to blow it.

In Favor of Mothers

I'm tired and I feel lousy. I have work to do. Real work. Forget that. I gave up yesterday to the man and most of today. I've got a blog to write gosh darn it.

Mother's Day is coming up. Do you know the house had a vote yesterday in favor of mother's day? They voted "Celebrating the role of mothers in the United States and supporting the goals and ideals of Mothers Day." Ridiculous. Not that mother's day in itself is ridiculous, voting on it is. Someone proposed it as a roll call vote in order to waste time and possibly miss voting on a bill to fund the war. Of course, no one voted against it. Who wants that on their record the next election - "And he hates mother's day! Hates mothers I tell you!" Tax dollars at work I tell ya.

I could make me angry but instead it makes me laugh. We have a very convoluted system of government, strange laws, that whole filibuster with phone book is silly too. But, I am a person of rules. And if the rules say you can do that, then you can do that. If the rules say you can waste time to avoid getting to something you don't want to do, then you're allowed to. (I watched tv last night to avoid dishes, nobody voted me out of my house.) If it's a valid way, within the rules, to speak your mind is by avoiding a vote, thereby saying you don't agree with a bill, then fine. If I don't like it, I can work to get a new rule in there that changes it. That's how it works. If you really care that much about it, then get them to change the rules.

On a related note, that cell phone commercial where the firefighters are voting for stuff using their cell phone that instantly talks to each other really bugs me. The guy makes the comment that this is easy (right easy to use the phone, easy to get things done, right, right.) Yeah, passing laws is easy when everyone in the room agrees with each other. Who would need government at all if we all agreed with each other? Our government provides us procedures to work out the best way to care and provide for our citizens while taking into account varying ideas of what best means. Why does this commercial vex me so? It's just a commercial. Maybe I should do more dishes and less watching of tv.

Protocol

I have a hard time knowing when to quit. When I'm in an email thread with someone, it's difficult for me not to have the last word. It's not because I feel bossy, it's because I think I'm still supposed to say something. I just can't tell when the conversation is over. It's like I can't tell if they've hung up. I'm so worried that I'm supposed still say something else, even though it looks like we're done talking. I just can't figure it out.

I had a similar problem when I prayed. I wasn't sure that I was done. Here's how I solved it, the sign of the cross. Basically, that is me dialing a telephone. And after all of my prayers are done, I make the sign of the cross again, thereby hanging up the phone. I mean, really, does God want to listen to me go over tomorrow's to do list in my head? Because that's one of the many boring things that might run through my mind later after praying. I have some funny belief that by 'hanging up the phone' now he can't hear me. So if I think some mean thought about someone he didn't hear that either. Right.

And yet I'm constantly praying for green lights when I'm late to work without making a sign of the cross first. Is that an IM to God then?

God Took Out My Internet

I promise it's true. I've been without internet today at work for the last six hours. It forced me to look over my stack of lyrics that I've been neglecting lately. I worked on one for awhile and felt stuck so I moved through the stack and settled on one I've been working on for probably the last 5 months, maybe more I guess. I think I underestimate generally.

Anyway, it's call "Walk" and I've been struggling with it a lot. It's one of about 3 songs I've started lately that are meant to be worships songs, to maybe sing in church. I have two songs on "Without Your Breath" that have a Christian vibe to them, "Thy Will Be Done" being pretty obvious and "Without Your Breath" being a little less obvious. It was a struggle for me to even add those to the CD since I've had a difficult time embracing my spiritual side in my music. I sing every week in the choir and love it! But I felt that my rockstar music needed to be secular to be more accessible. As I said in my very first blog, it's hard for me to be honest. I was afraid that if I showed people my religious side, they wouldn't like me as an artist; that maybe I'd seem pushy. So it's been a long, slow road for me to show that side of me. I've made a commitment to. But it's still hard for me.

"Walk" was really important to me, since I was making a decision to intentionally write something for God. So I didn't want to mess it up. I'm still not sure I'm getting it right, which is very important to me. Who wants to mess up a gift they're giving to God, right? So I've struggled and struggled with it.

Today, with the internet out, I worked on it again and it came together. Is it amazing? I wouldn't say that. But I broke into the verse melody finally and cracked translating the Bible verses I wanted into real lines I could sing. It's got work to go but now it's been opened up. It's really close to done now.

I swear to you, God took down my work's internet, messed with everyone's work today, just so that I could get this song. Pretty cool, huh?

Bank of America is Sneaky!

UPDATED: May 6, 2008 Updated material at the bottom.

Breathe in, breathe out. I was so mad this morning but I have calmed down considerably. I went to pay my credit card bill before heading off to work. Bank of America SUCKS! I was paying my bill 6 days early. Online. Apparently they decided to change my due date. After a year or more of the same due date, they changed it. Oh yes, there it was in teeny tiny print on my recent statement, Your due date has changed. So now instead of being 6 days early, I'm two days late. And charged a late fee too, of course. I did a little looking around online and apparently other people are being hit with this too. Apparently, since I was close to paying off the balance, which I was doing with this payment, Bank of America worried that they would no longer make any money off of me, so they moved the date, knowing that I would assume the date was the same, and then be able to charge me a late fee. Oh and raise my interest rate. I'm so very, very angry. So very, very angry. Whatever, they're a big mean company that wants to screw you for every dollar they can, but then it makes me look bad, my credit rating look bad, for me to have a late payment. I'm so so so angry. I was crying this morning because I was so furious! I was stuck leaving for work without having a chance to call them so now I'll have to get all worked up about it to them again in a couple of hours. I am so so so angry. How can that not be illegal? It's not, I looked around. It's just mean. I hate them.

UPDATE: May 6, 2008
Okay. I was very angry but things are fine now. I have to be sure to let you know that, while it was sneaky to move up my date, Bank of America was very helpful in rectifying the situation. I called them and was very calm from the start, something I've read in numerous negotiating articles. I stated the problem and how I'd like it fixed. He did it. No argument or anything. He refunded the late fee and said that the interest rate had not been affected. I paid the balance at that point too and he waived the fee for that. Yes, apparently now there's a fee if you pay them over the phone, it's to encourage people to use the website. I wanted to pay right then while I was on the phone because I was never trying to get out of paying, I just didn't know the date had been changed. That's all. It will stay at that earlier date but now that I know, it's not a problem. So, all appears to be well. I will concede that they were quick to help me. I will also warn you to check your statement every month to make sure your date hasn't moved up.

Not Gonna Make It...

Imagine that said in a Captian Kirk kind of voice. There is no way I will have 100 pages written on my script for Script Frenzy by tomorrow. I did what I usually do and waited until the last minute. I stepped it up Monday and yesterday but yesterday morning they gave me a project at work. Well NOW when am I supposed to write? Sheesh.

Be My Friend

Conspiracy week was cut short. THEY didn't want me to say anything else so they had my husband lure me away from the computer with promises of wine tasting North of Santa Barbara. The wine did it's trick and I no longer remember my other conspiracies. If whatever the men in black did to my memory wears off, I'll continue to type away at their black veil of lies!

Wine country was really nice. I'll post a photo a photo or two sometime. I'm such a light weight. Even without drinking the whole tastes I still got dizzy after the first winery. Silly girl.

So, there is a marketing line of thought that says musicians should be mining myspace to find fans. The idea is, you do a search for someone who does music like you or someone who likes music like you. Then you go to all of their friends and send them friend requests to you. Theoretically they will like your music too and then become your friend.

I've never tried to do this. First, it's kind of a lot of work. I'm sure you know that searching myspace is not the easiest thing in the world. Second, it just seems weird and desperate in some way. Sure, you could say that if you really believe that there is therapeutic value in your music, you should push your music out there to 'heal' whoever might need it. If you don't push, someone who may need to hear a certain song of yours at a certain moment might miss you. Sure. But then, if they are meant to hear you, wouldn't they stumble upon you somehow already?

Nevertheless, I just tried that kind of 'marketing' just now. And...now I'm done. I asked 2 whole people based on this method. It felt so icky and creepy. Searching through their friends felt like looking through their diary or underwear drawer or medicine cabinet. Obviously myspace is a public space, if they didn't want you to see their friends, they wouldn't be up there. But gosh it felt icky.

But, I'm supposed to do this. I've read tons of 'advice to musician' articles that say to do this. So I persevere. I can't just pull up somebody's page and hit the friend link. I feel I need to get to know them first. So read through the page, look for things I actually connect with them on so it doesn't feel like a lie when I say 'hey, I think we should be friends, we both like this one movie so now we're basically soul mates.' I send the request and mention something that I think we match on so that I don't have the cheesy 'hey check out my music please, pretty please, please!' I read through 3 pages and send friend requests to 2 of them.

On the third person, I read through the page and begin to think 'what a neat guy, we do have some things on common, lots of common movies, cool quotes on his page.' So I friend request him. His page doesn't take requests from bands. He doesn't want me wandering around in his friends, bugging him only in the hopes that he or his friends will join my music cult. I feel busted. I feel dirty. I feel sick. No more friend requests. Done.

Speaking of slimy, how does Perez Hilton get invited to the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner? Since when is he a White House Correspondent?

Conspiracy Week Continues...

First a random thought. I feel like jump roping today. Weird. Especially since I haven't in years. I think I will when I get home tonight. I do own a jump rope. And really, like I can't take 30 seconds out of my day to jump rope. Because I know full well that after jump roping for 30 seconds, I'll be completely out of breath and tired of it. Don't fight it then, man.

Now for the conspiracy.

They kicked off Carly instead of Brooke? Surprising but it only confirms my conspiracy that the voting is rigged, at least being rigged at the moment.

Oh, believe me, I am happy that American Idol fixed it's huge mistake of letting Carly, Michael Johns and Kristi Lee Cook compete in the first place. All three had signed record deals with labels in years prior to this competition but, in my book, that takes you out of amateur status. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/WinterConcert/story?id=4315159

So, finally, those three have been kicked off. Notice they've been kicked off in a row, all three one after another. I think Idol left them in there to make the show look more competitive. In past years, much of the pickin's have been slim. This way the show looks like it's attracting huge, undiscovered talent. Sorry that talent was discovered once before. Now Idol wants to make sure that none of them place too high.

The second argument (after the coincidence of the three former label contests being booted in consecutive weeks) is that Brooke so should have gone! She started an stopped in her performance. You never, never, never do that.

I found it funny that, for a change, Paula was harsh and unflinching on this point and Simon wasn't. She also said that you never, never, never start, stop and start. Here's the difference. She's a performer; Simon and Randy aren't. She has put in the hours on the road and on stages around the world. Performers know, you never do that. For once, her expertise shone through. It was nice to see.

Am I throwing stones from my glass house? You bet. Have I ever stopped and started? Yep. And I feel like the biggest loser in the world when I do. Because, in that moment, I am the biggest loser in the world. Just because you should never do it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It just should have a consequence when you're on a competition show like American Idol.

We Are Not Alone

So, you may have noticed the lack of posts lately. The thing is, I've been writing blogs still. I just stop when it comes to posting them. Monday started out as mad, hysterical writings and just got worse. Tuesday, the case can be made that it was again, crazy talk. On each day the blogs got longer and longer and, as I searched out websites to support my ravings, I got really distracted. And, I wasn't quite sure I wanted to declare myself crazy just yet. Well not completely two days in a row. So, I'm going to condense them and post them.

Continuing the saga of Conspiracy Week, how about them lights in Phoenix? In March of 1997, mysterious, unexplained lights were seen hovering over Phoenix. The lights were reported in Arizona, Nevada and Mexico. Now, two days ago, mysterious lights are sited once again over Phoenix! http://www.abc15.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=ccaef901-51a0-4b49-8df2-6d42dcbf7da7
http://www.myfoxla.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=8110B967E3A31AA3C69C3F1A1C9AB0F9?contentId=6366197&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

I'm sure you can guess by now that I have no problem believing in aliens. I don't believe we're so cool as to be the only sentient creatures in the universe. I'm also cool with believing that God himself made them. Why not? I'm made in God's image but how can I conceive what that means. My human brain says, oh, he looks like me, but could it mean that my spirit is made in his image? Something I can't see? Something that a green skinned alien could also have but not be seen. But I digress.

Someone posited yesterday, if they really exist, why doesn't the government know about it? Uhhh, they already do, silly. And now we've busted them too. We see you. We know you're coming. Possibly on December 21, 2012. I'll put a kettle on and make a pie for you.

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day! Did you do your Earth Day duty and save a whale today? Or at least recycle a can? This seems to be a good day to make some enemies.

I'm into environmentalism and conservation and organic living, etc. When I started this post I had paragraphs of things I do to save the earth in my little way but I've realized that no matter what I write, it's not enough anyway. And, I shouldn't have to PROVE that this is important to me. I know it is and that's that. So there. If you think I'm a fraud, cool. Then you do.

So here's the point of this blog. After being aware and motivated to help our earth for years, I still can't swallow global warming. Strike that. I believe in global warming. I don't believe humans are doing it. The climate fluctuates. Don't believe it? Ask a mastodon. Oh yeah, you can't because he drove his SUV too much and started an ice age! There's really no consensus amongst scientists that humans are really having an impact on the climate change. The media just makes it seem like there is.

I'm not saying we shouldn't find alternative energies like solar, wind and biofuels. We absolutely should. And we should conserve our resources, reuse our resources as much as possible. We should work to preserve our earth, definitely.

But, when did Al Gore become a scientist? He makes one movie and somehow unites the world? I'm sure you've heard about how, until very recently, he used enough electricity in his home to light up a small state. And how he's heavily invested in the renewable energy companies he encourages other people to invest in. Do you think it's completely altruistic? He made money on 'An Inconvenient Truth', lots of money. And an award. Suddenly he's worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize? You get a peace prize for bringing about peace in the world, not for making a box office smash. I don't understand that.

And now there's knee jerk legislation everywhere to save the world, instead of educated discussion and evaluation. Suddenly there are no more light bulbs. (Do you know you know that it takes Mercury vapors to make CFLs and now what are we going to do with the more Mercury tossed into our landfills. Is that really a better, safer alternative? http://eureferendum.blogspot.com/2007/03/light-bulbs-and-eco-fascism.html)

Anyway. If you really care about the environment, make the changes that you can, then push a little more. If you want to support the claim that man is responsible for climate change; fine. Show me the money, don't just believe the hype.

Mad Ravings of a Lunatic

I believe that the Mayan calendar is correct and there will be an end of days in 2012. I honestly believe that I had better be back in New Mexico by then and very far away from a dangerous, earthquake and riot prone area like Los Angeles. If necessary, I will live on my mother-in-laws farm. I am totally serious.

I just read a blurb in this month's Wired Magazine that brought my attention to The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (or NOAA) prediction by Mausumi Dikpati that the next sunspot cycle, which "will be 30% to 50% stronger than the previous one," will hit it's Solar Max in 2012. This is based on the well known 11 year sunspot cycle, discovered in 1843. This Solar Max can interfere or disable cell phone networks, satellites, military devices, GPS systems, power grids and anything dependent on these types of utilities. What better way to initiate chaos and end the final sun of the Mayan calendar?

For those of you unfamiliar with the whole Mayan calendar, it is somewhat complicated but it has three different calendars that repeat in different cycles. The Long Count repeats every 5000 years but the last cycle ends on December 21, 2012. See, see the connection with the sunspots? That date also is very close to the Winter Solstice Sun crossing the point of the Galactic Equator (the center of the Milky Way) and the Ecliptic (path of the Sun.) There are lots of guesses but nobody really knows what's supposed to happen on that day. The Mayans said it was the end of the era but what does that mean? Some people believe the increased sun spot activity will cause the magnetic field around the earth to shift, causing unfathomable consequences. Some believe that will open up a passageway through the Milky Way to another galaxy or world. Some believe it might be an appropriate time for Jesus to stop by. Who knows. All I do know is that the universe is a mysterious place.

Out of Body Experience

The chili was amazing by the way.

I think I'm sad today. Somedays, when I'm tired, it's hard to tell if I'm sad or just tired but I think I'm sad too. I've been working hard this week on 'putting myself out there' booking shows, working on promotional materials, mailing out lots of emails, etc. When I work on that a lot, I start to feel a strange lost feeling. And it almost feels like I've put myself out there so much that I don't have any more of me left. It's a strange, out of body experience. But I end up feeling lost and tired. I feel like I'm grasping at smoke, trying to collect it all back to me. Usually, after a day or so of this, I start to feel depressed. So I'm trying really hard to pull back again and collect me. I've been doing busy work like updating my website. I'm adding the lyrics now for every song; coding it is mindless but I think that might be what I need. But even that probably isn't enough. I really am an introvert by nature and I think it freaks me out to lose so much energy 'out there.' I'll probably spend the weekend watching movies, in the theater or at home or both. I'll ignore everything I have to do and recharge with other people's energy. By Monday, normally I'd be pretty down. But as I'm becoming more aware of this, maybe I'll be able to call me back in time instead of wandering back through darkness slowly. Maybe I just need more sleep again.

Balance

I was in an email discussion with a friend of mine this morning and she said something about things needing to be a balance. It's funny because I was just thinking this morning that I need to work on balance. In fact, this morning I decided that learning balance is probably my life lesson. Okay, it's one of many including, just a few mind you, letting go of control of people or life, letting go of guilt, forgiving myself and other people, trusting God...there are plenty. But this morning, the balance seemed important. I ended up writing this to my friend and it stuck out to me. "I am an all or nothing person and I need to learn to live with grays." It struck me because I just spent the other night covering my grays and therefore I should learn to live with my grays. Yes, yes I should. But the repetition of the word gray, the way it stood out to me, that seemed especially important like a word I should look at more.

I AM an all-or-nothing person. Also a if-you're-not-for-me-you're-against-me person. I need to be completely successful or I am a complete failure. There's no room for error or growth or maybes or learning. I'm the first to admit this is a downer way of looking at things. Because no, I'm not perfect. And since nothing less than perfect counts, then I am in a state of constant imperfection. I am constantly losing; failing. It sucks. There is no gray. There is no - well at least you tried. As a wise alien once said "There is do or do not, there is no try."

I could look at things on the half full side. I am constantly learning, growing, striving, becoming better. But somehow all the days of getting there don't count to the being there. Yes, yes, journey, not the destination. I know, I know. But just because I know doesn't mean I know.

I was thinking about balance a lot this morning. I've decided that it's is my lesson on this earth is to learn balance. My mother taught me how to be all mom all the time. My dad taught me how to be all working all the time. I need to learn and pass along to my kids, how to have balance. So I need to learn how to strike a balance in my life. I need to feel comfortable being part this and part that. I need to put it on and sit with it until it feels right. Instead of saying 'I don't get balance' I need to be in the gray 'I'm learning how to have balance' and feel there is success in the learning. But it's certainly not going to happen overnight. That's why I said it was a lesson for this lifetime. So that I have plenty of time before I get a failing grade.

Chili Extravaganza

I'm getting some flack because of my promotions for a new venue I'm playing at tomorrow. My friend, John M, has started a weekly show at Chili My Soul in Encino and he asked me to play a guest set tomorrow. I seriously am very excited to play there!

I know it sounds funny but I can't wait! I've wanted to try out this restaurant for several years now. Yes, years. I make note of interesting restaurants to try and have a long mental list in my head. But, when it comes down to it, I usually just end up going to the same places that are near my house. So now I have an excuse to try a new place out. And it's got a neat draw, they make 30 different kinds of homemade chili! I'm no chili expert or fanatic but I like chili a lot and often on cloudy weekends, we'll brew up our own pot of chili. Mmmm, with crackers and melted cheese. It's a yummy comfort food. So when John asked me to play, heck yeah I'll play.

And, honestly, I won't be disappointed if I'm playing to just John, I just want to check the place out. Yes, I would love to have people come out but it's different. Some shows I stress and worry about if enough people will come to please the venue. I worry about the perfect set list and if everyone is having a good time. This time, I just want to hang out. And if people come, then we will all eat chili and hang out and have a good time. And in the middle I'll hop up and sing a few songs, requests for whoever comes. I just want to enjoy the place.

Some people are giving me a hard time because in my promotions I'm talking up the chili. And recently I've been talking up the chocolate and other food at venues. Look, is beer really that different from place to place? Do you think, man, I can't wait to go to X bar because they serve the best Bud Light in town? Come on. I play tons of coffee houses and bars a year. Yes, I'd like to think that people are coming out just to see me but I don't think I'm that cool. I like finding things for me to like at venues. It needs to be a whole experience for me too. I want to have a good time! Remember, I'm shelling out my own money to eat and often drink at these venues so I want to like the place too.

Huge confession that few people know at this point, I don't drink coffee! I don't like coffee! I play coffee houses all the time and get tea. How different can tea be? So the coffee is not a draw for me. It's the lemon bars, the chocolate, the mini corn dogs and the chili. I won't lie, I love junk food. And me eating something yummy just puts me in a good mood, makes the show better and then we all have a rocking time. So I will always say when there is something good to eat at a venue. And you will probably see me stuffing my face tomorrow night.

Gray

Here's some honesty for you. I'm stubborn, OCD and I have gray hairs. Lots of them now. I have passed the point of being able to pull out one here or there. They are taking over. So I decided to dye my hair last night.

I've dyed my hair before to get cool highlights or add some red, pink or purple. But that was because I felt like it, not because I felt I had to to hide something. I've been fighting it for awhile (stubborn.) Mostly because I don't feel old at all. And people older than I am on tv don't have gray hair, right? So how can I?

You know, I make fun of my husband all the time because he allows himself to easily fall into that suspension of disbelief. I say, 'You do know it's just a tv show, right?' And yet I'll easily believe that people look that good in real life with no help. No hair dye, no team of hair stylists, make up artists, clothing stylists, plastic surgery or just great set lighting.

So with them having all of that help, why am I so resistant to doing it? Again, because I'm stubborn. Because I don't want to believe that I'm ever going to need to do this. Sigh.

So instead of buying an all over dye at the store (I'm in no position to go to a salon right now and spend $180 on highlights) I'm determined to only dye the gray hairs. I like the color of my hair right now and I don't want to mess with it (stubborn again.) My brilliant plan is to buy a root touch up kit and only touch up the grays. I spend over an hour, hunting through my hair for strands of gray hair (here's the OCD part.) And I keep finding more! What I think will be maybe 10 stands turns into far far more. And, how do you color only one strand without coloring the rest? I use the technique my hairdresser used where you put the dye on the hair and wrap it in tin foil so it won't touch the rest of your hair. But I'm wrapping up single strands of hair. And it's on my head so I can't even see if I'm getting it all.

Needless to say, this morning, I still have gray hairs. I missed a bunch. Sure it looks better... I'm happy with the color I chose because it doesn't stand out. But really, would one strand in the wrong color stand out. I have some strands where near the root it's still gray and then further down it's brown. So I guess I really do need a root kit now. I can't even say I still have my pride. Sigh.

Random

Who else finds those Match.com ads on Myspace creepy? Mostly they're of guys looking somewhat turned on by what they're seeing on the internet. I'm supposed to WANT to be matched up with guys looking at internet porn? How is that attractive?

Air Trouble

I may be the only person who thinks the recent airline cancellations are just a cover. But I've been called crazy before and I'm okay with it. Yes, I'm into government conspiracies and cover-ups. My government wouldn't be doing it's job if it didn't. Aliens did crash land in Roswell. There was no magic bullet. Elvis is still alive. You know, I am new at this blogging thing but maybe I'll look around and find some other blogs that are also into this craziness and link them. Yes, that will be a new project to add to my lists.

Anyway, here is my theory. I think that the government has some information about a terrorist threat to a plane and this 'safety check' is their way of grounding flights. This way they can search the planes for whatever the real threat is or, just keep the terrorists out of the air and mess up their plan. Either way, they stop the threat without panicking everyone.

I only have one thing to back up my crazy idea- the airline's response to this. This grounding has been voluntary. Nobody at the FAA said they had to ground these flights in order to comply with this safety issue. These are new regulations that were established two years ago but there hasn't been any push by the FAA to enforce the regulations, only participate in inspections. Would the airlines willingly ground flights and lose millions of dollars? The only other possible reason is the suggestion that American Airlines will declare bankruptcy and ask for a government bailout. While I believe that an airline might have that has a plan, I don't think that the 6 airlines who have grounded flights (American, Midwest, Southwest, Alaska, Delta & United) could all declare bankruptcy at once and expect to all get bailed out. And, the airlines are not doing that much finger pointing over this. They are quietly canceling flights and trying to appease customers as much as possible. When was the last time an airline bent over backwards to accommodate you when I flight was canceled?

It's a cover up. I'm sure of it. They are checking their planes but it's based on a tip from someone, somewhere. Luckily I don't have to fly anywhere anytime soon. I'm very sorry if you do. Hopefully you won't be inconvenienced too much by this. But be grateful that, for a change, they are trying to save lives instead of save money. Do I sound like a lunatic yet?

Teary-eyed

Still working off a cold. Thankfully it's not worse but it's not much better. Soon and very soon.

I just read Alert the Pizza's post for today and it made me cry. She has 3 children. I've know Pizza for a long time. When we were younger it seemed that she would never get married or have children and I was sure that moments after graduation I'd be married and have 3. Somewhere we flip flopped. Somewhere along the line, I who loved teaching children of all ages and babysat through summers, I became deathly afraid of children, babies especially. Another friend had a baby somewhat recently and I dreaded seeing the baby, meeting the baby and heaven forbid holding the baby. It was a traumatic experience made worse by the filming of it all because I'm sure the horror was plainly on my face.

But last year another friend had a baby and her baby didn't scare me. She was okay. I was able to hold it without feeling complete and overwhelming panic. HA! I just noticed I called her an 'it' and not 'her' in that last sentence. Well I'm not cured of my baby phobia just yet. But reading Pizza's post sure did make me cry. And it made me wonder 'What have I been doing all this time?' I have no idea.

My Favorite Things

Yeah. The cupcakes did not stave off the cold. Hopefully this will remain just a head cold with no cough involved. I'm drinking tons of water, tea and soup. We'll see if it helps. It's really hard to think when your head is cloudy. My mind is a blank. How about just some favorites?

Favorite bands - Fairground Attraction, yes still, Phoenix, Foo Fighters,
Favorite music - old jazz standards
Favorite movies - The Fifth Element, Dune (the sci-fi series), Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events (okay the books too)
Favorite Author/books - Frank Herbert, especially Dune, Also Orson Scott Card
Favorite colors - depending on the day, Purple or Orange, Purple more often than not
Favorite words - Dude and Awesome, no I did not grow up in LA, and Doah
Favorite Dogs - PUGS!
Favorite TV show - hmmmm, currently House, Bones, The Simpsons & King of the Hill, I don't have cable and Fox is the channel that comes in the best using the bunny ears. We also rent and catch up on Supernatural, Lost & Battlestar Galactica
Favorite Food - I couldn't possibly pick, I love to eat!
Favorite Outfit - a hippy chick swirly skirt and a t-shirt
Favorite Activity - probably going to a movie, popcorn required
Favorite Ice Cream - I don't really care for ice cream much
Favorite...dude, I can't even think of things to have favorites of. I can't wait to go home and crawl into bed. Better luck tomorrow.

Cupcakes

In keeping with random things that I love, let's hear it for cupcakes! I have a sweet tooth. I also crave salt. I live by my cravings. I feel that if my body is craving something, I must need something in that food. So I don't go crazy and eat just anything anytime, but I try to listen to what my body is asking for. That's me rationalizing.

This can get pretty specific. Just because I have a sweet tooth doesn't mean just any candy or cake will do. The craving is exact. It's not just red licorice but sometimes it must be a red vine or sometimes it must be cherry nibs or sometimes a twizzlers, because they are all different. You never know. And it changes quickly. Today I'm wishing for Mambas candy. Tomorrow I couldn't eat a single one. The next time it will be jordan almonds.

It's because of this that I have a candy stash. I seriously used to hide candy in a desk drawer at home for years so that I would know that I could get THE kind of candy I wanted when I wanted it. Now I've moved my candy into the pantry but my husband knows that he's not really allowed to eat any of it. Luckily, he's not into candy like I am and could care less. This is how we live in harmony.

So I store up like a squirrel for winter. But when I crave baked goods, that's a lot harder. I don't want to make a whole cake or batch of cookies or cupcakes only to eat some that day and let the others go to waste. This weekend, it was cupcakes.

In LA they have cupcake stores; Sprinkles, Yummy Cupcakes, Dainty's. I hear there are more. Seriously they are stores that sell nothing but cupcakes. I've tried them but none of them hit the spot for me yet. Yummy's is close. But I don't want anything fancy. I just want a cupcake like when I was a kid. Cake mix out of a box and icing out of a can.

So Saturday I came up with a substitute for making a whole batch. I had sugar cookie dough; the kind that comes in a roll that you keep in your freezer. I keep chocolate chip dough on hand as well, for emergencies of course. I went to the store and bought only the icing. I cut off a couple of cookies from the roll pretty thick and then iced them with the cake icing. Not bad. Pretty close. They ended up kind of being like cupcake tops with out the cake underneath. And now I have an open container of icing that I'll 'have' to finish fairly soon. That's a tragedy. But at least I didn't waste (or worse yet EAT) a whole batch of cupcakes.

Many of you may have found this substitute already. I am only hoping to pass along my knowledge to someone who's desperate for cupcakes. If any of you figure out any other cheats like this, I'd love to know.

Gold stars and B+

Let me say again that Universal Bar and Grill has the coolest vibe! I played there again last night. I was exhausted (yes and I still am) and feeling pretty burnt out as I got ready and drove over to the set. And yet, that place made me feel so good!

There was apparently a showcase playing before the showcase that I was in and the place was packed. It was so nice of Sheena to book me to play after the showcase, a really cool honor actually. I had the chance to play to a whole new group of people and possible who-knows-who were there for the first showcase.

It was so weird. I felt happy and excited in a mellow way to be playing. I had some great friends show up (thank you!) for the show. That was perfect right there. If they had been the only ones I played for then I'd have been fine. But then a packed house as well. Normally stuff like this makes me nervous. Nervous in a bad way. Maybe it was because I was tired that I didn't freak out. But I really don't think that was it. It was a calm. And twice I felt a panic start up but I thought, look, just do what you do and whoever is meant to hear will hear and whoever will be moved will be moved. Who was that talking in my brain? That's not really like me. It was nearly an out of body experience it was so strange.

But my set was really good. Here's part of my after set obsession checklist:
Voice pitch- good/bad?
Lyrics- did you remember all the words?
Guitar- in tune and correct chords, no technical difficulties
Patter- did you remember to say your name(seriously)/website/cds for sale/didn't say anything too ridiculous?
Grace- did you fall, trip, knock over anything, otherwise embarrass yourself

Yes, I seriously go through those things after shows. I've never written a checklist for it before. Amazing yes since I love lists. I've never really thought about it before but I guess it's like grading myself afterwards. I can be pretty hard on myself about any and all of those categories. I can be extremely depressed after sets if I'm not, I guess I'd say in the B+ to A range in any of those. Wow. Seriously, I know I evaluate shows very carefully but yeah, I guess I'm sort of giving myself grades. I'm so weird. Sure I should look at my performance to better my skills but come on, grades? That's just sick. I'm so gold star.

Anyway, last night went well. Probably because I was in such a good place (or at least I was before I started looking at this too closely). Gold stars for pitch & lyrics. Slight frowny faces (B+) for guitar, patter & grace (I did knock into the microphone once with my head.) But really, the vibe was so good in there and the other musicians were so very nice and supportive I don't think the slight frowny faces mattered. It was just fun to be there. Thanks again to those of you who came out. :)

Last minute

So. Tired. Fading. Fast. I stayed up late working on my taxes. Yes, they should have been done weeks ago. They're not. They're still not. And instead of being a good girl and finishing them tonight, I will be out playing a gig tonight.

It's kind of a last minute set. I feel like such a jerk when I send out emails for last minute shows. No, I did not just remember about it and oops, send it out. Yes I know you're busy and don't go to things last minute. Well, even if I'm not busy, I'm not much of a last minute person. I have plans. Even if the plan I've been counting on all day is to go home, eat dinner, watch the Simpsons and go to bed, I get really thrown off if the plan changes. As if I'm not capable of altering my plans. Heck, a telemarketer calls and the night can turn into a disaster. And if dinner takes 15 minutes longer than I thought it would, the entire night is now thrown into chaos. I guess I need time to acclimate to a new plan.

I think I get this from my parents. Once we went to a movie and when we got to the ticket window, it turned out the movie would start nearly a half hour later than we expected. My parents seemed stunned at the news and said, okay, never mind and we got out of line. We started walking back to the car. Let me be clear, the movie had not started yet. We were now very early for the movie. We had extra time to get popcorn or hang out. We didn't have to be anywhere after the movie either so it's not like we were on a time crunch. Obviously, the change in time changed our plans so much that it disturbed them. I volunteered, 'Couldn't we just stay and see the movie at this time? It's now only about 25 minutes away." We discussed it a bit, got back in line and ended up seeing the movie. It was so funny to see them thrown off; not able to make the change right there at the window but instead having to think about it awhile and adjust. They're just crazy. Thank goodness I don't do anything crazy.

MTV broke it, we bought it

I officially signed up for Script Frenzy after posting the blog on it. I have 0 pages written so far. I'm not freaked out yet, though. Still learning the formatting thing.

So last night I watched American Idol. Right off the bat, don't tell me to try out, I would if I could but I've missed their age cut off. YES they have an age cut off. I'm cool with it, be cool with it too.

It was my first time watching this year. I refuse to watch the first episodes where they make fun of people. You know why those people who can't sing look so surprised when Simon tells them they suck? Because the producers tell them they're great and that Simon will love them. Because the producers hype them up and approve them going to the real tryout room with Randy, Simon and Paula so that they'll be upset and make great TV. That's just mean. I don't like that part. I wait until we're in the top 8 or so and then start watching.

Don't get me wrong, I watched almost every episode the first season it came out (excluding the making fun of tryouts) and loved it. I love Simon. I've learned tons from him. And he knows what he's talking about. He understands what it takes to make a rockstar. His business is selling CDs and he knows which acts will do that and the best ways to guide artists to that. I respect his knowledge.

Anyway, I decided today that American Idol is helping to fix what MTV broke. Since the advent of MTV, rockstars have not been judged on their chops or songwriting. They've been judged on their looks, image, style. You can list me hundreds of artists before the 80's (and right on the brink there) who would never have made it if they had to look good in a video. Admit it. But they had great songs and performances. Conversely, Milli Vanilli had a great look. They didn't even sing. And they're not the only ones. Hey I love and respect the performers of the last couple of decades who couldn't really sing but worked their image and/or dancing skills to have huge careers. They worked hard for their success. Absolutely. But, who did you miss out on hearing because they didn't fit on MTV? You don't even know.

I find it cool that, while none of the American Idol winners or finalists are ugly, many of them are not cover-of-a-magazine-hot either. They are there because of their voices. All that matters is - can you deliver the goods? Can you knock people's socks off week after week with your voice?

Hopefully this along with things like itunes (for another day) will help to change the music industry back to what matters. It's not a mystery why music companies are struggling. They've spent too much time and money promoting an image when all people want is good music performed well. What a crazy idea.

Script Frenzy

Okay. I missed yesterday. Sorry. I think from now on, when I miss a day, I'm just going to pretend it never happened. The whole day has been wiped off of the face of the earth for me. Good because with the headache I had, I'd rather not remember it.

So, my good friend over at Alert the Pizza is doing this Script Frenzy thing. She did it last year and had a blast so I'm considering it myself. I kind of need to decide today too because it's starts today. Well I suppose I could get a late start but why handicap myself.

The idea is that you write a script in the month of April, 100 pages. No, this is not an April Fool's joke. There is no prize (notice that was the first thing I looked for) you just write it for the joy of writing it. That right there freaks me out a bit. I've lost the art of doing things for the fun of it. And the art doing things just to be able to say you've done it. Everything has to have purpose. So yes, I definitely should do this then.

I've pretty much decided I'm going to sign up. I'm just putting it off because I'm a little scared. Of what I have no idea. Is someone going to ground me or fail me out of script frenzy if I don't finish? Will I be black balled in LA for my lousy script once I put it on paper? "You'll never work in this town again!" I don't know. And I really am scared.

Maybe I've also lost touch with knowing the difference between scared and excited. Because I think I am excited, too. I think it's exciting to try something totally different. And a little nice to do something creative that doesn't have to do with music. So maybe I am excited to try this and oh, that might be it. Maybe I'm excited to try it and worried that it won't go well and I'll have been foolishly excited. That I never should have been excited to begin with. That feels right in a depressing way. I think I'm one of those people who doesn't start things because they're afraid they'll fail. But I already decided I'm doing this. So, I'm stuck with the being afraid. So maybe I was never excited at all. I sure hope my script isn't this messed up.

Highs and Highs

I am mostly in a good mood this morning. Lots of good things. The only negatives are that I'm really, really tired and I have a headache that just keeps getting worse and worse. It's starting to make me sick to my stomach. I hate that. Of course I think they are related. And I really don't think anything but sleep will fix it. I love my job but I don't think they'll let me sleep at my desk.

Last night I played at a new venue, the Universal Bar & Grill. It was a cool bar. Very old school, unlike lots of the trendy, up tight bars here in LA. I felt comfortable there. Red leather booths and red velvet wallpaper. And a crowd of regulars that really are regulars who probably spend most nights there like at cheers. And though they were regulars, they welcomed all of the musicians like good friends. It was awesome.

The set went well. I'll post the careful constructed set list at the bottom for those of you who are curious. There was no music or tv sounds to compete over. The crowd was attentive yet laid back. Even the bartenders seemed to get into my music. That's a good sign. I was happy with my performance and the flow of everything. People seemed to respond well to the songs. I can't wait to go back.

My other high point since my last blog is that I got a friend request on my myspace. I went to check out their page. I usually do before I say yes. Not that I say no often but partly to actually meet the person I'm going to say I'm friends with and to make sure it's not almost porn. Anyway, I go to their page and they had uploaded my song 'Einstein in a Skirt' to their player! That is so exciting!!! I'm so happy that someone would like my song enough to put it in their player. :) That's awesome! If anyone else already has one of my songs in their player or uploads one, please let me know. It is a huge compliment and I would want to send you huge amounts of thanks. :) So exciting. :)