I must only be dreaming that I'm getting a good night's sleep. Because I thought I did again and again I'm exhausted. I'm hitting stage two now for me. Not only am I grumpy, whiny and fussy; I'm crossing over into overwhelmed and fast approaching depressed.
I am a huge fan of lists. I'm pretty obsessive-compulsive and therefore love obsessing over lists. I've made a list of things that I worry about that was 5 notebook pages long. My general doctor recommended I do this once when I saw him and he though I might be stressed. After seeing the list he recommended I go on medication. Ha! Ask me to write a list? That'll learn ya.
The lists are long, exhaustive, precise and pretty ridiculous many times. One of my favorite children's series is The Adventures of Frog and Toad and I am Toad. There's a story called 'The List' and Frog and Toad spend their day following the list that Toad has prepared. At one point the wind blows the list away and they can't catch it. So Toad just sits there because he can't remember what he was supposed to do next on the list. I love it! He doesn't come up with an alternate plan, there's no list and therefore he's lost. So cool. So me.
When I feel overwhelmed or lost, I write a list. So I wrote one this morning to reign in all of my rambling worries. They were all floating out there separate from me; circling me like a pack of wolves. So I caught 'em and caged 'em between blue wide spaced lines in my notebook. Only two pages today. Not bad.
It's just not helping much yet. I'm still stressed out and overwhelmed. I know that I don't have to do all of those things today or even this week. Some of them are just reminders so that I don't forget to eventually get to them. But I think I'm too tired to even start working on crossing off items. Which, by the way, is soooo very satisfying. There is nothing better than looking at a list with lines crossed through every item. Sigh.
Yes, too tired to start. Too spacey to start. In the Frog and Toad story they sit there for hours and it begins to get dark. Frog says maybe they should just go to sleep. Toad gets excited! 'That's it! Go to sleep was on my list!' So he writes 'Go to sleep' in the sand with a stick and then draws a line through it. And they fall asleep right there. I think I need to add it to mine.
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I am a member of the list-making club. I can look down here the the one page list of "stuff" that I add too regularly, piled next to the smaller list of things just for today or tomorrow.
If I do something that is not on my list, I often add it to the bottom of the list, just for the deelicious satisfaction of crossing it off.
We'll sit next to each other when they decide to institutionalize us. ;)
Dani
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