Friday, March 7, 2008

Pep Talk

I guess I'm supposed to write everyday. I'd rather wait until I have something interesting to say but oh well, that's how these things work. Perhaps I can make once a week to start with. Here goes.

Last weekend I attended the Durango Songwriter's Expo, not in Durango strangely enough, but just North of Santa Barbara. For anyone who's a songwriter, I highly recommend this conference. You end up meeting lots of amazing writers, industry gurus and seeing great live performances.

This was my second time there and I was happy that I gave it a second chance. I felt pretty beat up after the first one but this time it went much better. It was easily better now that I knew what to expect and what to bring but I tried to be more open this time.

I am such a fearful person! I'm nervous around other people. It takes a lot of effort for me to socialize and I'm second guessing everything I say. I did a lot to prepare for the weekend. Of course did the business side of things. I got my best songs ready to present and gathered my business cards and made labels and so on. I practiced my performances. But I prepared me this time, too. I prayed; a lot. I did some qi gong and meditated. I had an acupuncture treatment the day before and got some herbs to improve my energy. I also gathered some stones that meant different things like courage, good luck and improved communication. All of this to protect myself from that beat up feeling; from being drained.

Well it worked, mostly. I did a lot of things at the weekend that I wouldn't have done in the past. I met tons more people than I normally do and I put myself out there. And somehow I wasn't as tired as I usually am after these things. I did have to take a couple of days to catch up on sleep but that's not too bad. I was rested by Wednesday and had worked hard to keep in touch with my new friends. I started writing a couple of new songs. I was great; I was high.

And then yesterday I nose dived. Why bother, what's the point. Gosh, you're going to get tired of hearing me go up and down. You're going to wonder why I'm not on some kind of medication. But I need to stop being so gosh darn positive I think. I put a lot of positivity out there. I tell people, "You can do it!" And I mean it. They can. Some days I can. But I get low just like anyone else. And instead of only writing here on the good days, I'm going to try to write on the bad days too. I say this completely aware that I didn't write yesterday. I waited until today, when I felt better. So, yeah, huge strides there. I guess that leaves you with the knowledge that I claim that some days I'm down and think I should give up on all of my dreams. But most days I talk a good game.

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